Supernatural (TV Series)

LARP and the Real Girl (2013)

Hank Harris: Gerry, Boltar the Furious

Quotes 

• Gerry : [At a meeting to exchange a shadow ork for Charlie]  Greetings, heretics.

  Max Hilby : You should kneel before me, cur.

  Dean Winchester : [Getting impatient]  Alright. Why don't you let me...

  Gerry : Silence!

  [to the Shadow King] 

  Gerry : Now. Before we exchange, a few announcements.

  [He and the Shadow King step toward each other and break character] 

  Gerry : There is a peewee league soccer playoff game tomorrow on the alpha field. We don't want to freak out the mundane, so we gotta move the battle of Kingdoms to the beta...

  Dean Winchester : [All patience gone, he pulls out his gun]  Alright. That's it. You know what? I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way.

  Sam Winchester : Dean, don't...

  Dean Winchester : No!

  Gerry : I told you...

  Dean Winchester : Shut up!

  [Walks up to the Shadow King with his gun] 

  Dean Winchester : Alright. I need real answers. This here is a real gun. See?

  [He fires the gun into the ground and everyone but Sam jumps] 

  Max Hilby : Whoa! Hold. Hold! Geez!

  Dean Winchester : [Pointing his gun at him]  Start talking. Where's the queen?

  Max Hilby : I don't know!

  Dean Winchester : [Pointing his gun at the Tree of Pain on Max's shirt]  Yeah, well, your, uh, your little family crest there tells a different story, pal.

  Max Hilby : [Pointing to his shirt]  This?

  Dean Winchester : Yeah.

  Max Hilby : [He removes his glove and pulls up his sleeve to show the same tree on his arm]  Uh. I got sick last month after this thing just appeared on my arm. I thought it looked really cool so I turned it into my family crest. I mean, after my dermatologist said it wasn't malignant.

• Dean Winchester : Excuse me. Hi. You, uh, you are a LARPer, yes?

  Gerry : I prefer the term interactive literaturist.

• Gerry : I, Boltar the Furious, bind you to this stock so that all of Moondoor may see you for what you are -- a thief.

  Shadow Orc in Stocks : My Shadow Orc brethren will descend from the Black Hills and the tents of mo--

  [His false fangs fall out] 

  Gerry : Uh, hold.

  [Picks up teeth and gives them back] 

  Shadow Orc in Stocks : Thanks, Gerry. Sorry.

  Gerry : Yeah, no problem, Monty. Resume.

  Shadow Orc in Stocks : And the tents of Moondoor will be bathed in blood as we unseat the queen of the Moons...

• Gerry : Your fake badges, the cheap suits. It's very cool. I get it. Your characters are FBI agents that somehow traveled to Moondoor, but I'm telling you it's straight-up Moondoor this weekend.

  Dean Winchester : These aren't fake badges.

  Gerry : Uh, yeah, they are, and they're very good, but, um, well, the I.D. number shifted to 10 digits with two letters mixed in at the end of the year, and, uh, the seal's from last month.

• Dean Winchester : I am Special Agent Rosewood. This is special Agent Taggart.

  Gerry : Hold! Um, guys, we're not doing the whole genre-mash-up thing this weekend. We only do that every third month.

• Gerry : Would a loser track down a real book of spells and compel a fairy to do his bidding?

  Sam Winchester : It depends. How'd you get it?

  Gerry : [Sheepish]  eBay.