Modern Family (TV Series)
Yard Sale (2012)
Ariel Winter: Alex Dunphy
Photos
Quotes
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Claire Dunphy : [concerned about Alex's new boyfriend] If she wants to get her heart broken by a gay guy, she can do so when she's 18 or 19 and can drink her way through it.
Mitchell Pritchett : Aw. You're a "good mother."
Claire Dunphy : Mm-hmm.
Cameron Tucker : I don't know, Claire. You could be wrong. Boys aren't as concerned about traditional masculinity anymore. You know, they're not butching it up. They're not pushing down their feelings.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, they care about their clothes.
Cameron Tucker : Mm-hmm.
Mitchell Pritchett : They-they... they groom.
Cameron Tucker : Mm-hmm.
Mitchell Pritchett : Everybody's hairless. Yeah, you can't tell anything anymore.
Cameron Tucker : Mm-mm.
Claire Dunphy : Really?
Alex Dunphy : Oh. Hey. Hey. Uncle Mitch, Uncle Cam, this is Michael.
Mitchell Pritchett : Hi!
Cameron Tucker : Hello.
Michael : [effeminantly] Hi.
Alex Dunphy : [leading him away] Okay, come on.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yep, he's gay.
Cameron Tucker : We stand corrected.
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Cameron Tucker : J'accuse!
Mitchell Pritchett : I'm sorry. One more time?
Cameron Tucker : It's just a dramatic way of accusing you of stashing my fat pants in a bush! Saboteur!
Mitchell Pritchett : That's a second way.
Cameron Tucker : How... could... you?
Mitchell Pritchett : And a third.
Cameron Tucker : Why, Mitchell? Why?
Mitchell Pritchett : Cam... oh, come on. All right, the... this is a little hard to say, but... every time you get rid of these pants, you have to buy them all over again, and you get depressed, all right? This is just a way to have a safety net.
Cameron Tucker : I can't have a safety net, Mitchell. Otherwise, I won't be successful and keep the weight off. Have you ever thought of that?
Mitchell Pritchett : No. No, I didn't.
Cameron Tucker : You know, you're not the only one who remembers all the times I failed.
Mitchell Pritchett : You're right. I-I should support you more. I'm... I'm sorry.
Cameron Tucker : I'm happy to hear you say that.
Mitchell Pritchett : Well, I'm happy you're happy.
Alex Dunphy : Well, I hope you both are happy. Michael's not gay. Now he hates me. Thanks a lot.
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Alex Dunphy : I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell Pritchett : None taken.
Cameron Tucker : I kinda like it.
Claire Dunphy : Okay. Honey, I am worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt.
Mitchell Pritchett : I told them that this was a bad idea, all right? You know, maybe Michael's gay. Maybe he's not. He is. Your mother just wants you to have all the information so that... that you can go slow.
Alex Dunphy : Uncle Mitchell, he's straight. We kissed.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, honey, I... I kissed a lot of girls when I wanted to be straight. And your uncle Cam kissed some, too, he says. But that's neither here nor there. What's important is that you make your own...
[Alex leaves]
Mitchell Pritchett : Where... wait, where are you going?
Alex Dunphy : It's not the olden days anymore, you guys. I can just ask him.
Claire Dunphy : Ohh.
Mitchell Pritchett : [to Claire] Hope you're happy.
Cameron Tucker : I'm not. That "olden days" comment was like a punch to the gut. She may as well have spray-painted it on my daddy's barn.
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Phil Dunphy : Heads up! Coming through!
Claire Dunphy : Wow! I am glad you're finally getting rid of that thing.
Phil Dunphy : What? I'm not selling this bad boy. I was gonna meet you and your dad's and get a little exercise on the way. What's, uh, what's your beef with my StreetStrider?
Alex Dunphy : Even I think it's nerdy, and I'm fluent in Elvish.
Phil Dunphy : It's not nerdy. Luke, back me up.
Luke Dunphy : I hope you mean into the garage, because I have friends on this street.
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Alex Dunphy : Mom, is it okay if Michael comes to the yard sale?
Claire Dunphy : Well, honey, didn't you see him last night?
Alex Dunphy : So? Why don't you like my boyfriend?
Claire Dunphy : I do like him.
[cut to testimonial interviews]
Claire Dunphy : I'm just 90% sure he's 100% gay.
Alex Dunphy : Yes, when Michael took me to prom, I questioned his sexuality. But then... we made out. A couple times. There was even a little... under-the-shirt action. His chest is very smooth.