- Tessa Altman: [Addressing "football girlfriends" making banners for pep rally] I'm sure there are all sorts of things you girls wish you could do, but you can't, because you're here. You know what's better than being here?
- Stephanie: There's nothing better! She's drunk! I smell alcohol on her breath!
- Tessa Altman: Well, it's called
- [standing on a chair]
- Tessa Altman: GOING HOME! I didn't want to get on a soap-box, but I am on one. Girls! Your needs are just as important as football players. Look at Stephanie here. She's hungry. She wants to go out for a slice.
- Stephanie: How did she know that?
- Tessa Altman: And you. What's your name?
- Joan: I'm Derek's girlfriend.
- Tessa Altman: What is your name, child?
- Joan: I... wanna say... Joan.
- Tessa Altman: I bet you do! You look like a Joan.