Hansel & Gretel (2013 Video) User Reviews

A 2013 rip-off of a 2013 Movie

[KimbleLinda · 3/10 · 28 January 2013]

Sorry Folks but any movie coming out the same year being posted as a same event is most definitely a rip-off.

One should be questioning the movie right at the get go with two twenty something year olds (referred to as "kids") named Hansel and Gretel.

Really? I would have shipped my parents off to Guam just for that alone.

Even if you're into blood and gore, it showed that the make-up dude was "in training" (I used to do triage make-up for the army....so trust me on this one).

I can't write much more without admitting to spoilers....yet...what's to spoil? What a joke.

Look...if you're like me, I just watch a movie for what it is worth, please feel free. The plot works if you're just into lazy horror. If you like to watch a movie for the first time and forget it later. This is a good movie...once and only once. As of this review the real "Hansel and Gretel:Witch Hunters" is now showing in theaters...today is 28 Jan 2013.

Anyway....Enjoy....Q(:-}

Dead Meat Pie

[in1984 · 3/10 · 9 February 2013]

If IMDb and any other film review site had better than zombie brains, they'd automatically ban or hide any reviewers that gave this film a positive review. It would discourage the fake reviewers and the film makers from producing it (apparently losing money isn't enough of an incentive).

Not only was this horrifyingly predictable from the start, it immediately feels like you're watching something made for TV.

Put aside that and it has about 5 minutes of interesting content. For future horror film makers, if you're going to hang a hot chick up in hot underwear to get around TV censoring nudity, but want to look brutal and original, do what the posers behind this film failed to do: punch the chick in the bra and panties.

WORLD FAMOUS MEAT PIE

[nogodnomasters · 3/10 · 5 May 2019]

The story of Hansel and Gretal has been turned into a bad slasher film by the folks at Asylum. The film opens with a rather heavy set woman being baked alive. They actually stick the proverbial apple in her mouth. After the credits we move to the mountain town of Candlewood, where at the Gingerbread House, Lilith (Dee Wallace) serves up her world famous meat pie to a customer. Not too hard to figure out.

Gretal Grimm (Stephanie Greco) works for Lilith, a person she has taken a shine too. After a family squabble Hansel Grimm (Brent Lydic) runs off into the nearby mystic woods, that no one has ever ventured into. Gretal chases after her brother.

The film digresses into a dungeon imprisonment film complete with goons. The ageless Lilith's powers are chemical and not supernatural.

The picture takes us into the action early. Not much build up. Unfortunately the rest of the film involves escape attempts and battling the captors in a very "B" horror/slasher type of fashion.

Brent Lydic's acting was noticeably bad, as was much of the supporting cast. The script was trite.

Parental Guidance: F-bomb. No sex or nudity. Sara Fletcher in bra/panties. Some torture/blood. Cannibalism. If you are not a fan of Asylum's bad films, I would suggest you take a pass on this one.

Oh My God.

[mocus_rulz · 1/10 · 2 February 2013]

Oh My God. This movie sucked a**. I feel as though I should kill myself now. This movie cannot be unseen. I will forever remember it as the worst movie i had ever laid eyes upon. My IQ burned by 20 points while my sense refuses to comprehend why was such an awful movie was ever written, filmed, acted, edited and finally released to the unsuspecting audience. The characters were unified in their stupidity, the character buildup was forced and felt unnatural. The visual effects seemed to have been created by an 8 year old boy using MS-Paint (and not in a good way). The acting was absolutely shameful and degrading. I feel sorry for all those involved in the making of this waste of time in film disguise.

hear my words, those responsible for the movie need be avenged!

WHY GOD? WHY!?

This movie deserves a horrible death

[puppyzwolle · 1/10 · 29 January 2013]

When somebody is really hurt, I mean there is slight panic, and you find a house, what is the first thing you say when familiar face opens the door? Think about it. In this movie the answer is "I did not know you lived here. Bla blah blah blah...Oh by the way: My brother here is bleeding to death."

This movie is embarrassing. The sound effects are so familiar. The story beyond predictable. But the food is good.

If you want a boo-movie this is the one for you.

The acting wasn't all that bad... Well it was but the script did not give them anything to work with. It feels like they all read a summary of a story and acted it out in somebodies backyard.

I know the requirement is to write 10 lines about a movie but that is because calling it by a 4 letter word would be to obvious.

If you have 90 minutes to spare,go out for a walk! Don't watch this!

[victoriafotn · 1/10 · 27 March 2013]

I thought this was the Hollywood Blockbuster "Witch Hunter" movie. Well it was not.I'm a fan of the Brother's Grimm, I'm a fan of horror, I'm even a (big) fan of B-movies. But this movie belongs to the "why-did-I-watch-this-why?" genre. Horrible script, bad acting, bad everything. Even Dee Wallace, who is a respectable actress, cannot make this film bearable. "Hansel" and "Gretel" is supposed to be a classic horror story, but it is completely "butchered" in this production. If you watch this,prepared to be amazed at how bad a movie can be and what a complete waste of time it was.. And if you are a Grimm fan,oh boy... Beware: Do not watch this!

I am an avid horror film addict. I am both a gore-hound and lover of "real" horror films, and I'm telling you, this dreck is absolutely awful. One of the worst movies ever.

[cthulu48 · 1/10 · 28 February 2013]

This "Hansel & Gretel" film has NO positive attributes. It is the worst horror film that I have witnessed in a LONG LONG time. I'm telling you, as an avid fan and (not to toot my own horn here...) and aficionado of sorts when it comes to horror, that this is pure garbage of the highest order

It is very difficult to tell the world, "EVERYONE will enjoy this horror film!" when I love a horror film.People's tastes just differ too much.

However, on this occasion, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that NO ONE will enjoy this film. It is absolutely terrible.

Dee Wallace (bless her for trying) is the only part of this movie that kept me from turning it off 20 minutes into it. And I NEVER do that, certainly not with horror films. I LIKE poorly acted and cheesy horror films to an extent, but they have to have something special for me to enjoy something like that. I mean, "Friday the 13th" sequels have 90% cheese and 10% horror, yet the mystique of those victims, the reality of the violence, the care you (sometimes) incur for a character, not to mention the butch Jason himself, make me ENJOY those films. "Hansel & Gretel" has NOTHING but the lowest budget in the history of horror films (maybe other than "BTK Killer" - still the reigning champ of worst movies of all time) and that low budget combined with a complete lack of any serious plot or scary moments shines through, and makes this film unwatchable. Cringe-worthy. Even the violence sucks, folks. And when even the violence is sub-par in a horror film (WELL BELOW PAR), and there are NO redeeming qualities, it makes for an absolute embarrassment of a film. It's these types of films that give horror a bad name. This madness must stop.

Dee Wallace is worth watching for about 10 minutes, but she's being directed by a director who quite literally could be a rhesus monkey, and certainly is not an "actor's director", so even her performance is greatly flawed in many areas, most likely due to the director and editing of the acting she turned in.

Take an avid horror fan's word for it, and don't waste your time on this dreck. THIS FILM IS NOTHING BUT TERRIBLE!!! You've been warned.

Not the worst Asylum movie, but still embarrassingly awful

[TheLittleSongbird · 1/10 · 30 January 2013]

There is something compulsively watchable about how notoriously bad The Asylum movies are, which is why I keep watching even if I know not to expect much. Hansel and Gretel is not the worst Asylum movie and I have seen worse movies generally but that doesn't stop it from being awful in an embarrassing way. The Asylum movies are rarely of good quality visually, and Hansel and Gretel is not an exception. Any attempts to give some atmosphere are badly hindered by choppy editing and the fact that it is far too bright when it could easily have benefited from a somewhat surrealistic look. The sound effects are bizarre and the scoring is generic. Fairy tales can work when modernised if done the right way. Done the right way Hansel and Gretel does not, all of the ideas it has comes across as derivative in alternative to having ideas of its own, and it is very difficult to enjoy the movie when you know what is going to happen next every time. The horror elements just don't work either, any suspenseful or tense build ups are next to nothing and all of the characters seem to be oblivious to what is going on. I also could tell from hearing the dialogue that Hansel and Gretel had absolutely no idea of what it wanted or was trying to be, having one moment where it is so simplistic it is almost childish and then another where it's all gory and foul-mouthed just doesn't gel and makes everything confused instead. The characters are cardboard with limited attempt at any kind of development and also come across as annoying. And the acting is bad, very bad even. Only Dee Wallace tries, though while she looks as though she's enjoying herself and she has the best lines(not saying much) she doesn't come as much of a threat, which was quite a big distraction considering that she is the main villain here. But not as glaring as the disasters with the script and story. All in all, not the worst that The Asylum has made but still a dud. 1/10 Bethany Cox

As Bad As It Can Be

[sweetpiggy108 · 1/10 · 12 May 2013]

I started to see this movie by mistake thinking it was the Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters one. I just don't understand when I see these movies, who pays to have them made. I would love to talk to the person who wrote this and just ask why? No one in their right mind can think this is any good. The acting is terrible and the storyline is so stupid. I kept thinking it was going to have something that made the movie watchable. I finally just got up and turned it off. If it wasn't cause I was on a free trial of Netflix I would cancel my subscription for even having this garbage on their site. This isn't even good enough to have in the background while you fall asleep.

This movie is loose but thole

[anders_asd · 1/10 · 16 February 2013]

This movie is nothing but a poor attempt at doing anything for the viewer. Why the f is it that every time a blockbuster is released, a sh*tty B or C movie is made just to feed of the success of the said blockbuster. If the actors in this movie thought that it was a good idea to participate in this sh*tstorm of a project they thought wrong, But don't give up. there are plenty of really good scripts out there, Get a new agent and quit joining sh*t projects, The movie makers of this flick on the other hand; I have no respect for you guys, The acting is bad, the cinematography is bad, the concept is already taken by Tommy Wirkola, the storyline in bogus and the special fx is not special at all. It looks like the whole movie was made by preschool kid with no hair on his genitalia.

Damn this Movie

[r-rotermel · 4 April 2013]

Accidentally watched the movie, thought it was the one with Jeremy Renner.

Seriously: Why make a ripoff of a movie and name it that similar plus in the f**king same year? Wasted like 45 minutes (accidently) and the rest intentionally.. Thought it couldn't get any worse than it was at that point when I realized it was the wrong movie due to bad acting and a complete bulls**t-script.

However: There is just one good thing which I can tell about the movie. The "hot" Gretel... The rest is just negative, as like the already mentioned bad acting and the bullshit-script. But also the horrible makeup.

This movie is just ridiculous.

Watch it when you are stoned and with friends, you'll laugh your ass off.

3/4 out of 10 , I don't really like trash-movies... If this was supposed to be one.

Made this account just to post that.

Wonderfully absurd horror comedy

[Andreas_W333 · 10/10 · 24 October 2021]

I have to admit I haven't seen other Asylum productions, but I can tell you I loved this little film. It reminds me of Troll 2, although I enjoy this one more. Intentionally made as a "so bad it's good" movie, and there are so much absurd stuff going on here you shouldn't be too bored watching it. A later day cult film that deserves a cult reputation.

The Asylum's "Hansel & Gretel" Proves to be Tasty Horror Appetizer

[slasherstudios · 7/10 · 30 January 2013]

I must admit that I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with most films from Asylum. With over 50 movies in the can, the production company has yet to lose money on a single feature. Often from the time a title is announced to the moment the film is available to purchase is less than six months. This is cynical filmmaking to say the least but there is something ingenious about the business side of this sort of low brow end of movies approach. Is this really anything different than what Roger Corman did in the 60s and 70s? Joe Dante's Piranha was a shameless rip off of Jaws. The Asylum's Hansel and Gretel is a shameless rip off of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. The real question to ask...does this rip off work or is it even worse than the "blockbuster" it is trying to capitalize on. Let's take a bite out of Hansel and Gretel.

As Hansel & Gretel begins we witness an overweight girl tied up in shackles trapped in a dark and dreary basement. She manages to get herself free and she runs out of the house and into the woods only to find herself trapped yet again. An apple in the mouth and some seasonings and she has become the next meal for the family who lives in the house. After "treated" to the opening Saw "homage", I was already tuning myself out of the film. But then something strange happened. The movie developed a sense of humor about itself and it went from being a chore to sit through to becoming one of the more entertaining movies of the last few years. We have our two heroes (Hansel and Gretel, of course) on a race against time as they battle the delightfully evil Dee Wallace as the witch. But I mean Dee Wallace runs a bakery that sells meat pies called The Gingerbread House. How great is that?

I'm been complaining lately that there haven't been enough good-bad horror movies lately. Horror movies that aren't exactly great but are shamelessly entertaining. The Asylum's Hansel and Gretel completely fits the bill. Not only is this Asylum's best work to date, it is also their most enjoyable work yet. A terrifically over-the-top performance by Dee Wallace who gets to shout lines like "EAT YOUR DINNER!" and "I was always going to eat YOU!" seals the deal. A must watch for slasher fans. I can't wait to dig in for seconds.

Worst movie ever

[spam_me_nu · 1/10 · 15 February 2013]

This movie is in one word awful Calling the characters stupid would be a compliment. They had to help a girl who was about to get eaten. It took them 15 minutes to get there while the room was 30 sec away. They also had like 50 opportunities to kill the "bad guys", but they are just hysterically shouting. There were also just horrible to see gore scenes, which where nothing but dirty to see. End was also... indescribably bad Save yourself 1 hour and 30 sec of your life and don't watch this movie.

I never write reviews but this movie was so bad I had to share this. Movies like these should be banned

Not the Hansel & Gretel I thought it was going to be.

[Cameron-Daniel · 1/10 · 20 April 2013]

Who would have thought they would have put out THREE Hansel & Gretel movies in the beginning of 2013? Thought this was the one with Jeremy Renner, so was shocked not to see him in the beginning. Paid to see it, so watched it anyway. Most 2nd rate movies are called "B" movies, if I was to give this a "Grade", it would earn an "F". This is like one of the bad horror movies from the 1950's. Story kind of jumps around so you're not certain what's going on all the time. This is supposed to be a "Realistic" type of situation that could really happen, but then people are stabbed with items and keep getting back up. The ending is so hokey I can't believe they did it other than to put the poor movie, and the audience, out of their misery!

Deliciously bad

[shelleyhackstar · 5/10 · 31 August 2019]

The Asylum and its cheap gore retells Hansel & Gretel. This movie is only worth watching to see the brilliant Dee Wallace hamming it up as Lillith (great naming and homage) Dee looks like she is having ALL the fun!

Terrible!

[dangrant-658-399979 · 1/10 · 12 April 2013]

What a waste of an hour and a half of my life! I'm not sure what's worse: the script, the direction, or the editing! The story jumps about as if there are bits missing from it, and there are dozens of plot-holes and so many "that would never happen in real life" incidents that the film becomes painful to watch. I couldn't even bear to watch it in one go, I had to turn it off after less than an hour and then I watched the rest later on. I only got this film/movie by mistake because I actually wanted to see a different film with a very similar title, but this film looks and feels like it was made by a group of high school students, not a team of professional film makers!

Ask For Your Money-Back !

[weaver70 · 1/10 · 3 February 2013]

Movie was pretty good first 2 minutes then was unwatchable. Gretel is pretty hot but she should be a blonde to be in this movie. This movie couldn't have cost more than $2,000 to make. I could make a better movie for $500 I'm pretty sure. Total ripoff of the other Hansel & Gretel movie. Hot girls shackled & chained but the two homely brothers only want to kill them ? The mom was a decent actress and was kinda hot in a desperate kind of Mrs. Clever way. But as several others have said the writer's script was lame. This movie would last a half day in theaters. When the dude pulled his own large intestine out and then got up and walked I turned it off so I can't review the ending.

Not as bad as other reviews make it out to be.....

[derektrotteresq · 5/10 · 16 June 2013]

........but it's not great either! This film is watchable for what it is, but Hansel & Gretal had so many opportunities to kill the witch and her two sons and didn't take them that I was literally rolling my eyes at the screen.

Also it should be noted that Hansel and Gretal didn't seem to give a toss when they saw their Dad lying on the ground with a pitchfork protruding from his abdomen and even ran away whilst the witch was stabbing him to death. They didn't try to help or even acknowledge to each other what had just happened.....that alone makes the film irritating. It's irritating but watchable.

A real head scratcher this was!

[rchoyle · 3/10 · 12 May 2013]

I have written a handful of reviews over the years and only a out movies that were lesser known and if I was pleasantly surprised by how good they were. This was not one of those movies unfortunately! I don't like to take sophist at movie makers as whether a movie is good or bad, a lot of effort is required to make a movie and I have the attitude that if I don't have something positive to say, then don't say anything at all, but I had to take exception with this one. Their were definitely some real corny scenes and dialogue in it that make you wonder how can anyone with half a mind make a movie like that, but it was created nonetheless. One scene in particular comes to mind, which is what prompted me to write this review, and that was the scene when Hansel and Gretel were helping the blond girl escape from one of the brothers and Gretel cut his throat. Hansel then responded " Hey, it was either him or us. " And he said that because she seemed distraught over the fact that she had to take a life and felt bad for doing so! That line really takes the cake for me as you have maniacs trying to kill and eat you, you kill one to help you escape and them you feel guilty and awful about it?? In any event, this movie had much more potential than was shown, unfortunately it was not reached. But I still watched it in it's entirety and if not anything else, it was one of those movies that was good because it was so bad, possibly take on a cult status, but I don't think that would be the case here. I have to add one more comment about Hansel when he starts eating himself, their were several scenes in which pain that should have existed, was not prevalent in this movie, especially as he devours his own body, no pain whatsoever as he acts like he's munching on a drumstick of chicken. I men come on, they could've at least made him feel the pain of eating his own arm, just saying! But what do I know about making motives, I just watch them!

Glad my mother didn't tell me THIS story before bedtime

[r-muller23 · 1/10 · 14 January 2015]

The director must have broken his head about how to make a 90 minute movie of a story that literally takes 5 minutes to tell in the original version. You know, he must have thought in the end, we fill up a few superfluous gruesome moments with long uninteresting scenes. In my opinion the director and complete casting and supporting crew should have been put into the freaking oven. This is the first movie I ever gave a vote of 1. Congratulations. Very ... very ... BAD. What else is bad is that I have to type 10 freaking lines to get in a review that could easily have been just the line 'very very bad'. But hey Ill keep typing if you guys keep reading. Ah, I'm done.

Asylum's marketing ploy seriously backfires

[lil_moe · 5 October 2015]

If you are here, then you already know the movie you're watching is not Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. Within 5 weeks, three movies titled Hansel and Gretel were released, presumably to piggyback off of the success of the 50 billion U.S dollar Hansel and Gretel. I'm assuming (judging by other reviewers) that everyone watched this thinking they were seeing the big Hollywood blockbuster that was heavily marketed. Hence: the hatred. This is an Asylum movie. It isn't their best but definitely not their worst either. The performances and effects are decent as far as Asylum movies go. The storyline is good and there's definitely enough tension to keep you looking at the screen till the end credits. In short: if you like Asylum movies (low budget cheesy horror, mostly) you will absolutely love this one. If you're thinking this movie is the big blockbuster Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters then you will be extremely displeased.

Not that bad ... actually rather creative

[damnedifyoudont · 8/10 · 20 September 2020]

I fully understand that this is an Asylum mockbuster. I actually think this movie is more inventive than its inspiration, it's more like Texas Chainsaw Massacre than Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It's the typical "victims trapped in cannibal's house and must escape" horror movie, except with a witch that uses candy and food as her magic. What's not to love about that? And it's full of nods to fairy tales; there's a stepmother, she wears a red hood, victims are 'fattened up' to be cooked, the witch is killed in her own oven, the bakery is called The Gingerbread House. It's clever. In this way it's more clever than Witch Hunters, that just used the fairy tale as an anchor for a mindless action movie.

The acting isn't that bad (I have seen much, much worse), and I could never hate a performance by Dee Wallace. There may be some silliness but it is subsumed by the campy fun - just laugh along. With a bigger budget and some artistic competence it could have been much more, but who cares? This is fine just as it is.

Fun flick, LOVE the Asylum!

[stsinger · 7/10 · 3 February 2013]

First of all, anyone who disses The Asylum should have their license to watch movies revoked. The Asylum is an old-time studio, from the times when such studios would produce low budget flicks and rip-offs of popular films. The Asylum is the current king of that genre, specializing in two types of films -- first, low budget cheesy horror/sci-fi and monster flicks, and secondly, films that seem to "rip off" more popular films (mostly in name or concept only). As you might expect, they produce films of varying quality which are mostly mindless but when they hit, are winners. For example, "Megashark vs Giant Octopus" is one of the most fun films you'll ever see, and "Paranormal Entity" is almost as good as the original, and WAY better than any of the sequels.

Which brings us to "Hansel and Gretel." This definitely falls in the good bucket. A retelling of the original story that is a blast -- Hansel and Gretel are now twenty-somethings, and when their father goes to remarry, Hansel throws a hissy fit and storms out. Gretel (who works at "The Gingerbread House") goes to find him, and the two get trapped by a family of witches and freaks who kidnap twenty-somethings, fatten them up, and eat them.

The film is a blast from beginning to end. The actors are clearly having a great time and are way better than you would expect, and Stephanie Greco and Sara Fletcher supply some awesome eye-candy in addition to their acting shops. If you're looking for greatness, look elsewhere, but if you want a fun, fast-paced flick that is gory, creepy, and silly all at once, definitely check out "Hansel and Gretel."

And those of you who trash this flick and The Asylum, you just need to lighten up a little.

Great Performance By Wallace Wasted

[juniorrickman · 3/10 · 15 July 2020]

Dee Wallace seems to be having the time of her life playing "the witch" in this retelling of the classic fairy tale, but that's really the only thing to recommend about this movie. It doesn't do anything that we haven't seen a million times before and the script isn't clever enough to compensate for that.