When Mitchell and Rem-Dogg add Alfie onto the FBI's Most Wanted list, the short biography they created for him is as follows:
"The FBI is offering a reward of up to $100,000 for information that leads directly to the arrest of Wickers. Alfie Wickers is a wanted man for being racist against wheelchairs, a virgin and an all round muppet. Distinctive features are a lazy eye, webbed toes, stupid hair and absolutely no banter. He was last seen buying meals for one in the corner shop in Fallowmeade because he can't get laid, and he got ID'd for alcohol. So if you see him around you should totally get him, cos he's a right mug and a total pussy."
"The FBI is offering a reward of up to $100,000 for information that leads directly to the arrest of Wickers. Alfie Wickers is a wanted man for being racist against wheelchairs, a virgin and an all round muppet. Distinctive features are a lazy eye, webbed toes, stupid hair and absolutely no banter. He was last seen buying meals for one in the corner shop in Fallowmeade because he can't get laid, and he got ID'd for alcohol. So if you see him around you should totally get him, cos he's a right mug and a total pussy."