Ted Lasso (TV Series)

So Long, Farewell (2023)

Brett Goldstein: Roy Kent

Quotes 

• Ted Lasso : It don't make sense! Two years ago we played so bad, we had to drop down from the Premier League to a lower league that was called...

  Coach Beard : The Championship.

  Ted Lasso : See, that don't make sense. Now, this year we played so well, we qualified to get into another league, and that one's called...

  Leslie Higgins : The Champions League.

  Ted Lasso : Entirely different league, pretty much the same name though. That don't make sense. And now y'all are tellin' me that to get into the "Champions League," you can finish as low as...

  Trent Crimm : Fourth place.

  Ted Lasso : That don't make no sense! Why?

  Roy Kent : Money.

  Ted Lasso : Okay, see, now that makes sense.

  Coach Beard : Okay.

  Trent Crimm : That's it.

  Ted Lasso : Thank you.

• Coach Beard : ...and there are perfect analogies...

  Nathan Shelley : Jacket potatoes, cheese and beans.

  Ted Lasso : That sounds perfectly yummy, yeah.

  Coach Beard : Perfect foods. Spaghetti Bolognese.

  Roy Kent : Billy Joel's The Stranger album!

  Ted Lasso : Yup, no, that's perfect.

  Coach Beard : Yes! There are perfect works of art. There... Perfection is all around us, everywhere we look. The mighty redwood! But I was talking about perfection in people.

  Leslie Higgins : Human beings are never going to be perfect, Roy. The best we can do is to keep asking for help and accepting it when you can. And if you can keep on doing that, you'll always be moving towards better.

  [Ted whistles. Beard and Trent point to Higgins] 

  Ted Lasso : Add that right there to our list of perfect stuff. Ding-ding-ding.

  Roy Kent : All right. Mmm. Thank you.

  [they bark you're welcome] 

  Roy Kent : Ruff-ruff. Anyone else wanna go?

  Nathan Shelley : I've got a girlfriend.

  [all respond with ooohs] 

  Nathan Shelley : Her name is Jade, and she actually is perfect.

  [all bark their approval] 

• Roy Kent : Can people change?

  [the room is quiet a moment, then Trent raises his hand and Ted barks to acknowledge him] 

  Trent Crimm : I-I don't think we change per se, as much as we just... learn to accept who we've always been, you know?

  Roy Kent : Hmm.

  Nathan Shelley : Oh, no. I... I think people can change. They can. You know, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better.

  Roy Kent : Not me. I'm still the same fucking idiot I've always been.

  Ted Lasso : Mmm. Agree to disagree, big guy. I mean, come on, man. You just piped up out of nowhere and finally asked to become a Diamond Dog. Pretty big change, if you ask me, right, fellas?

  [They murmur assent] 

  Coach Beard : Change isn't about trying to be perfect. Perfection sucks. Perfect is boring.

• Nathan Shelley : Hey.

  [shyly knocking to come in] 

  Ted Lasso : Hey, what's up, Nate?

  Nathan Shelley : Hi, yeah, sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt and all that. I just wanted to, uh... to wish you all, uh, good luck. To wish you two

  [gesturing to Beard and Ted] 

  Nathan Shelley : good luck, uh, for the last time. Last time this season. It's not the last time you ever have good luck. No need for it to become a cautionary tale. I'm not trying to cast a spell or anything.

  Ted Lasso : Yeah, no. I get it, Nate. Thank you.

  Coach Beard : Thanks, man.

  Nathan Shelley : Thank you. Well...

  Leslie Higgins : Well, this feels familiar.

  [Everyone looks around the room] 

  Ted Lasso : Oh, yeah.

  Trent Crimm : Oh, why don't I, um, step out and let you guys have a proper reunion?

  [makes to go but Ted stops him] 

  Ted Lasso : Ah - da-da-da - you stay put, Trenthouse Magazine. You're part of the squad now.

  Trent Crimm : Oh.

  [Beard beckons him back clicking his tongue] 

  Ted Lasso : Yup. You're stuck with us, buddy.

  Trent Crimm : Thank you.

  Roy Kent : Can I be a Diamond Dog?

• Roy Kent : Can I be a Diamond Dog?

  [everyone stares a moment in disbelief, then starts looking around the room, searching] 

  Ted Lasso : Okay, hold on one second here. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hmm.

  Roy Kent : What the fuck are you doing?

  Ted Lasso : I assume we're all looking for cameras 'cause we think we're on a prank show.

  [general agreement] 

  Coach Beard : That's where I'm at.

  Trent Crimm : Yeah.

  Nathan Shelley : Yeah.

  Roy Kent : I'm not fucking around here.

  [they all become serious] 

  Ted Lasso : Okay. Diamond Dogs, mount up, let's go!

  [They all bark as they take their places. Clears his throat] 

  Ted Lasso : Uh, okay. Mr. Roy Kent. Um, you know, uh - bark away. Please.

  Roy Kent : For the past year, I've busted my fucking ass trying to change. But apparently I haven't done fucking shit 'cause... I'm still me.

  Ted Lasso : Uh, wait. Did you wanna be someone else?

  Roy Kent : Yeah. Someone better... Can people change?