- Walden Schmidt: I just wanted to give you a heads-up that Zoey's gonna stay here for the week.
- Berta: [reading a magazine] Uh, huh.
- Walden Schmidt: And she's bringin' her daughter.
- Berta: How old?
- Walden Schmidt: Seven.
- Berta: See ya in a week.
- [she gets up to leave]
- Walden Schmidt: Come on, Berta, you'll love her. She's adorable.
- Berta: Maybe to her mother. And someone who's trying to get into her mother's pants.
- Walden Schmidt: A'right, look, it's not going to be any extra work for you. Whatever Zoey doesn't take care of, I'll handle.
- Berta: Really! You're gonna take care of a seven-year-old!
- Walden Schmidt: Yeah. We get along great. And besides, I gotta learn sometime. I mean, if Zoey and I get married, I'll be Ava's step-dad.
- Berta: Y'know, once upon a time, a cute little boy came to live in this house for a few days. Maybe you've met him. He's the pot-soaked, masturbating couch potato who eats all your cookies.
- Walden Schmidt: Is he the one who finished off my macaroons?
- Berta: Your macaroons and my pot.
- Walden Schmidt: [realizing that having a child around the house will be unbearable] I told Zoey we were gonna be a family. What am I gonna do?
- Berta: The kid's seven?
- Walden Schmidt: Yeah.
- Berta: Wait nine years.
- Walden Schmidt: What happens in nine years?
- Berta: If you're lucky, she runs away with a coke-addled bass player.
- Walden Schmidt: And if I'm not lucky?
- Berta: A drummer.