Modern Family (TV Series)
Schooled (2012)
Lauren Swann: Baby Class Teacher
Quotes
-
Baby Class Teacher : Okay, now that everyone has their doll, let's talk about swaddling. Now, you want to start by turning one corner of the blanket toward you, like a diamond, and folding the top down. Like this.
Jay Pritchett : [Lowered voice] I think they made a mistake at the hospital!
[Tries to trade black practice baby as a joke; other couple doesn't laugh]
Jay Pritchett : Tough room.
Baby Class Teacher : Now we are going to pull the other corner 'round, and tuck it in nice and snug like a burrito.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Done! I win!
[drops doll on table]
Baby Class Teacher : It's not a race.
Jay Pritchett : You're darn right. It wasn't even close.
[High-five's Gloria]
Baby Class Teacher : [Checks the doll] Okay, it's good. But it's a little tight.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : It's a burrito. You don't want the meat to fall out.
Baby Class Teacher : [Redoes the swaddle] Here. And try like this. And see? Now your baby can breathe.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : [Under her breath to Jay] I wrapped my son with one hand while driving a stick. I think I know how to keep a baby safe.
-
Baby Class Student : Excuse me. We're trying to learn here.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Don't worry so much. Babies are tougher than you think. When I was five years old, my babysitter was a goat.
Jay Pritchett : What?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, please. You know about Lupe.
Jay Pritchett : You never said she was a goat.
Baby Class Teacher : You know, it's great that we have a couple of experienced parents in the class. Perhaps you can share some of your wisdom with the rest of us.
Jay Pritchett : Absolutely. It's not rocket science. It's babies. They're hungry, you feed 'em. They're teething, you give 'em some scotch.
Baby Class Teacher : Scotch?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : [disbelieving murmuring from the other students] What?
Jay Pritchett : [cut to one-on-one interviews] So, we left.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I didn't need a lecture from Mary Poppins.
Jay Pritchett : And I was suddenly in a mood for a burrito.