Modern Family (TV Series)
Schooled (2012)
Michaela Watkins: Susan
Photos
Quotes
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Cameron Tucker : [Setting up a playdate] We'll host, obviously.
Pam : 'Obviously'?
Cameron Tucker : Well, I assume you have an unfinished woodworking project at your house.
Pam : You've got a lot of nerve.
Susan : Yeah, and you've got half a canoe in our living room.
Pam : [Grudgingly] I look forward to your frittata.
Cameron Tucker : Oh, why, are you visiting us in 2008?
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Susan : Yeah. So glad that we are doing this.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
Susan : Yeah. I mean, we're the only gay parents in the class.
Mitchell Pritchett : Yeah, we should be supporting one another. I mean, we have so much in common.
Susan : Exactly.
[Awkward pause]
Susan : So... tell us about yourselves.
Mitchell Pritchett : I'm an environmental lawyer.
Cameron Tucker : Uh, and I'm a homemaker.
[Pam snorts]
Mitchell Pritchett : And-and, uh, and what do you do?
Susan : I'm a financial consultant.
Pam : I'm a contractor.
[Cam snorts]
Pam : What, you thought I was a P.E. teacher, or...?
Cameron Tucker : Well, figured.
Pam : Mm.
Cameron Tucker : Hey, I have a question real quick. How do you guys get the car seat on the motorcycle?
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Mitchell Pritchett : I am so sorry we have to meet like this, but I'm sure you can understand, as parents, the instinct to protect your child.
Pam : Yeah, it's what makes me want to punch you in the neck right now.
Cameron Tucker : Wow. I see where your son gets all of his aggression.
Principal Roth : Okay, let's all take a time-out.
Mitchell Pritchett : That's a good idea. This is getting a little heated. Right?
Susan : Yeah, Pam, we don't want another incident like at the lumberyard.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, my god. You guys go to the Lumberyard, too? D... I didn't know they had a ladies' night.
Pam : Not the bar, Sally.
Susan : Okay, you know what? He's trying to be nice, and you just called him Sally.
Cameron Tucker : Yeah, you're not being very helpful, Peppermint Patty.
Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, let's just stick to our actual names.
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Cameron Tucker : Okay, we have an assortment of spring rolls here. All vegetarian, of course.
Pam : Oh, 'cause I'm a lesbian, I'm automatically a vegetarian?
Cameron Tucker : Well, I saw it on 'The L Word'. I assume they have consultants.
Pam : I'm just saying it's an offensive stereotype.
Susan : Okay, Pam, you *are* a vegetarian.
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Cameron Tucker : [Lily's bedroom door is locked] Oh, they've got something over the hole. Lily!
Pam : Connor!
Mitchell Pritchett : We can't see anything from outside. The curtains are closed.
Susan : Open up, Connor! We'll let you have a hot dog!
Lily Tucker-Pritchett : What if something happened to them? What kind of hazards do you keep in there?
Mitchell Pritchett : [sarcastic] Well, let's see. That's where we keep our gun collection, our abandoned refrigerator, and our chocolate-covered hypodermic needles.
Susan : Why are gay men always so sarcastic?
Mitchell Pritchett : It's my coping mechanism!
Pam : Okay, that's it! Lily, Connor, if you can hear me, back away from the door. I'm gonna break it down.
Cameron Tucker : I'll help you.
Lily Tucker-Pritchett : I don't want Connor to go!
Connor : I wanna stay!
Susan : Oh, thank god they're alive!
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Susan : You know, Connor is having a birthday next week. Maybe Lily would like to come.
Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, she would love that.
Cameron Tucker : Oh, great. Are you guys having a clown?
Pam : Oh, god, no. I hate clowns. They're so creepy.
Cameron Tucker : Maybe you just don't like them because they wear makeup.
Pam : You know what? I'm out.
Cameron Tucker : Okay, thanks.
Pam : Connor, we're leaving!
Susan : Pam. Pam!
Mitchell Pritchett : No, you don't understand. Cam used to be a clown.
Cameron Tucker : Used to be? Once a clown, always a clown.