- Caroline Channing: I can't believe this is happening! Just when I saved $2! I can't die! And I certainly can't die in this ugly uniform! I mean it looks good on you!
- [Caroline has a strange look on her face]
- Max Black: Are you having a heart attack?
- Caroline Channing: I'm... peeing.
- Max Black: What do you mean?
- Caroline Channing: I'm really freaked out and I'm peeing... I can't stop!
- Max Black: Just stop! Stop! Clench it!
- Caroline Channing: OK! Nope, can't!
- Man: Step out from behind the counter.
- Caroline Channing: Sorry, sir I can't.
- Man: Why?
- Caroline Channing: Um, I'm peeing?
- Max Black: Still?
- [Oleg comes out of the back room with a baseball bat]
- Oleg: Out of the way, girls, I'll take down this - whoa!
- [Oleg slips and falls down into Caroline's pee puddle]
- Han Lee: [Han pulls out a hand gun and points it at the robber] I don't think so, homeboy... You're in my house now, bitch!
- Max Black: Here's what's left in the bag.
- [Max looks in the bag]
- Max Black: Nope, sorry. I don't see your dignity.
- Caroline Channing: Max, don't! Isn't it enough that I'm wearing dishwasher whites that have been around since the invention of B.O.?
- Han Lee: Look at that. Something ate right through the Swiffer. And I don't think it was the bleach. How will you ever live with the shame?
- Caroline Channing: Can you believe that was the man that saved us?
- Max Black: Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. I saw nun-chucks, ninja smoke, maybe some hair-pulling, but not a gun.
- Caroline Channing: Well, good night, ladies. I thought we all acted very brave tonight.
- [Earl looks at Caroline]
- Earl: Well, some of us.
- Caroline Channing: Oh, yeah, I had a trauma and I urinated. Ha, ha, that's hilarious.
- Max Black: Yeah, you might need some counseling. I could drop you off at a therapist on the way to my "I Was a Human Shield" support group.
- Caroline Channing: How much are movies now? Like 200 bucks?
- Max Black: Unless you go with me, in which case it is free. I'll take you tomorrow, I've been sneaking into theaters since I was 2. I crawled in "The Little Mermaid" with a sack full of Cheerios, and a baby bottle full of Diet Coke.
- Max Black: Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip. Walk. Walk.
- Caroline Channing: Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip.
- [Caroline whips her hair but it comes out all messy]
- Caroline Channing: Walk. Walk.
- Max Black: Good. But easy on the hair flip, Willow Smith.