- Kevin's Mother: Um, how do you know Kevin?
- Tina Belcher: Soccer.
- Louise Belcher: Church.
- Gene Belcher: Desert Storm.
- Linda Belcher: [to Bob] Oh, Bobby, is this turning into another one of your peeing races with Jimmy?
- Bob Belcher: It's not called a peeing race, Lin. It's called a pissing contest.
- Louise Belcher: We should buy an island.
- Bob Belcher: No.
- Gene Belcher: And a smaller island next to it. For farting.
- Gene Belcher: I don't think I can eat another slice of cake.
- Louise Belcher: What about crab cake?
- Gene Belcher: I could make some room.
- Linda Belcher: Don't take too long. It's the kids' turn to do the dishes, and we have to clean them again before we go to bed.
- Darryl: [to Bob] Your technique's sloppy and your stance is all wrong. What are you doing way back there? You have to press your wiener against the machine.
- Louise Belcher: [Looking at the regata banners in the yacht club] I wonder what those are for?
- Gene Belcher: You get one for every octopus you kill.
- Bob Belcher: I broke 100,000!
- Gene Belcher: Fantastic!
- [in a hushed voice]
- Gene Belcher: Was it obvious I don't care?
- Security Guard: [to Linda] Your husband just barged in here. We caught your children stealing food and regatta pennants.
- Tina Belcher: And oyster forks.
- Linda Belcher: Why didn't you tell me this was going on?
- Gene Belcher: We were kind of busy, partying our nuts off.
- Tina Belcher: Yeah, we were at Family Funtime, partying our butts off.
- Gene Belcher: I said "nuts"!