- Booth Jonathon: But I want you to know the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little, because I'm a man, and I know how to do things. See you later.
- Shoshanna Shapiro: Jessa has HPV, like a couple of different strains of it. She says that all adventurous women do.
- Elijah Krantz: I'm my authentic self. I am being my authentic self.
- Hannah Horvath: If you had been this gay in college, I would have known because I have two eyeballs, two ears...
- Elijah Krantz: You might want to take some steps back through your other boyfriends, and not for nothing, maybe take a look at your dad.
- Hannah Horvath: You didn't just...?
- Elijah Krantz: I did.
- Hannah Horvath: In what way does my father read gay to you?
- Elijah Krantz: Ah, well, he has a stud in his ear.
- Hannah Horvath: He got it on a trip he took with his male friends... I heard what that sounded like, I know what that sounded like. You know what I'm going to do from now on, ask people if they're gay before I have sex with them.
- Elijah Krantz: Good luck with that.
- Hannah Horvath: I'm just worried that if we see each other we're going to end up having sex.
- Shoshanna Shapiro: Well, like, that's OK because you both already have HPV.
- Hannah Horvath: God, that's a really good point.
- Hannah Horvath: How do I look?
- Charlie Dattolo: You look like you're gonna go put a hex on some popular girls.
- Hannah Horvath: Oh okay American History X.
- Marnie Michaels: I really hate to bring this up, but rent is due in a week. How's the job search?
- Hannah Horvath: I have pre-cancer!