Being Human (TV Series)

Sticks and Rope (2013)

Michael Socha: Tom

Quotes 

• Hal : Who's the hell is that?

  Alex : I don't know.

  Tom : What's he doing here?

  Alex : I don't know!

  Hal : Well, what does he want?

  Alex : I don't know! But maybe if you keep asking me I'll magically find out.

• Tom : You know when I transform, I should drag you around on a piece of string in the woods.

  [pause] 

  Tom : I'm saying you're a chicken.

  Hal : Thank you. I got the analogy.

• Tom : [to Oliver]  We don't want you getting poorly now, do we?

  Alex : He's been dead for a hundred years. How much more poorly can he get?

  [he coughs] 

  Alex : No, that is a classic "I want the day off school" cough. I've heard it a thousand times.

  Oliver : Thank you all. You've been so very kind. And if I don't make it, please... don't forget me.

  Alex : You know Decky used to look up symptoms online all the time except he could never be bothered looking up the diagnosis.

  [Hal and Tom quietly leave] 

  Alex : There was this one time he said he couldn't go to school because he'd just started the menopause. Oh you two are so getting a slap.

• Tom : Imagine having "Employee of the Month" written on your CV. Imagine having a CV.

  Hal : You can have a CV. I'll type you up a CV as soon as I'm done disinfecting the keyboard.

• Patsy : This whole experience has been incredibly stressful so if you wanted to, to give me a back rub that would be fine.

  Hal : Now you listen to me, if you want this place to be a success then Tom McNair is exactly the employee you need. The problem with you, Patsy, is that you are an inveterate snob. You'd rather reward someone who is well-spoken and disinterested than someone who is a little rough around the edges but utterly committed. Now that is not an environment I wish to work in, so if he goes I go.

  Tom : [Cut to them leaving]  Well that was stupid. Now none of us have got a job.

  Hal : I think the phrase you're looking for is "Thank you."

• Tom : There's nothing you wouldn't do to beat me, is there? Well it doesn't matter how far you are up Patsy's bum, I'm going to win this competition.

  Hal : If only you could. I've been trying to throw the bloody thing all day, but no matter how shit I try to be, you find a way of being shitter.

• Tom : What's that you're doing?

  Hal : I'm disinfecting the keyboard with pure alcohol and a cotton ball.

  Tom : I'd never think of doing that. I'm never gonna win this competition, am I?

  Hal : This isn't part of the competition. Doesn't everyone do this?

• Tom : Everyone deserves to have a fuss made of them when they're little.

  Alex : Okay, then. Okay, well, then, it's agreed. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1899. Ye ha! You're not yay-ing, Hal.

  Hal : [Pained]  Yay.