- Lafayette Reynolds: Is this about your girlfriend turning into Steve Newlin? Cause that was the sickest shit I've seen on TV... and I watch Dance Moms.
- Arlene Fowler: Andy Bellefleur, if you think you can sit out here all la-dee-dah while Terry and I raise your litter of alien babies, you got another thing coming.
- Andy Bellefleur: I'm sorry, Arlene, but I never asked for this. It ain't fair to expect me to give up my whole darn life and just become a father one minute to the next.
- Arlene Fowler: Well, I got news for you, Andy. Life ain't fair, and there ain't no Santa Claus neither, and when you stick Mr. Happy inside somebody's hoo-ha without a raincoat on, babies come out!
- Jason Stackhouse: I don't see all dead people. Just my parents telling me to do stuff. And they've gotten kinda racist and scary since they went to heaven.
- Nora Gainesborough: Nice.
- Jason Stackhouse: Had lots of practice killin' your kind.
- Nora Gainesborough: I'd wager not as much as I've had killing yours.