The Office (TV Series)
Welcome Party (2012)
Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute
Quotes
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Dwight Schrute : I wonder if king sized sheets are called presidental sized in England. I really should have a tweeter account.
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Nellie Bertram : God. We owned a flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favourite restaurant.
Dwight Schrute : That's awful. What kind of restaurant?
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[first lines]
Pam Beesly : Hey Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card?
Jim Halpert : Oh, great.
[reads]
Jim Halpert : "Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy." Oh, that's not good.
Phyllis Vance : Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious.
Pam Beesly : It's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his moustache.
Jim Halpert : Stanley doesn't have a moustache.
Pam Beesly : Yeah, he does.
Oscar Martinez : Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley does not have a moustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a moustache.
Pam Beesly : Okay, Phyllis sits across from him every day. Phyllis, does he have a moustache or not?
Phyllis Vance : Oh, I don't know. Now I think he doesn't.
Pam Beesly : Phyllis! What are you talking- The whole card depends on this!
Jim Halpert : Okay, the man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face?
Angela Martin-Lipton : Because we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business.
Pam Beesly : Okay, which one of these looks more right?
[holds up drawing of Stanley with and without a moustache]
Dwight Schrute : Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left.
Gabe Lewis : [bell dings] Guys, that's the elevator. What if it's him?
Jim Halpert : Okay, quick. Who says moustache?
[Pam, Oscar, Dwight, and Creed raise their hands]
Dwight Schrute : Yep.
Jim Halpert : Who says no moustache?
[Jim, Angela, and Phyllis raise their hands; Gabe enters, hiding Stanley's face]
Gabe Lewis : [reveals Stanley's moustache] Ah! Ha ha ha!
Phyllis Vance : He does have a moustache.
Dwight Schrute : Yes!
Pam Beesly : Welcome back, Stanley.
[Stanley grunts]