Louie (TV Series)

Daddy's Girlfriend: Part 1 (2012)

Maria Bamford: Maria

Quotes 

• ["Friends with benefits" Louie and Maria are postcoitally lying in bed watching TV] 

  Louie : Do you wanna come over sometime and have dinner? Like, we'd have dinner?

  Maria : Are you asking me out on a date or s...

  Louie : [stammering]  No. Uh, like, if you came to my place and had d- the - we - I would make you dinner at my place, and with my kids there and...

  Maria : Go and have dinner with you and your kids?

  Louie : Yeah.

  Maria : Oh. That's nice.

  [long pause] 

  Maria : Why do you want me... to do that?

  Louie : Because I just thought it - I thought it'd be nice. You don't want to?

  Maria : *No.* I *really* don't wanna do that. I do *not* wanna meet your kids. Ugh.

  Louie : "Ugh"? Why do you have to say, "Ugh"?

  Maria : Wh- what do you think this is? Like, I'm your girlfriend?

  Louie : No. I'm - Just forget it. I'm sorry.

  [Maria sits up and turns away from Louie] 

  Maria : Jesus, now I'm all dicked up in the head... and it was so simple with you.

  Louie : I'm sorry! I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm sorry I dicked you up in the head.

  Maria : [pointing to Louie's crotch]  I'm here for that. And - and now you're - trying to add features to this thing...

  Louie : I'm not trying to add - I'm trying to - You know what? Really forget it.

  Maria : Wow.

  Louie : Really forget it. I'm so sorry.

  Maria : You really ruined my night. In two ways now.

  [pause] 

  Maria : You're bad at sex.

  [gets out of bed] 

  Maria : You're bad at it.

  Louie : Okay.

  Maria : You're bad at it.

  Louie : Okay.

  Maria : No. It's one thing you're not good at, Louie.

  Louie : Okay.