Archer (TV Series)

Lo Scandalo (2012)

Aisha Tyler: Lana Kane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Malory Archer : Is Krieger hard at work?

  Sterling Archer : He literally might be, yeah.

  Lana Kane : Ew.

• Doctor Krieger : Oh I'm just busy disseminating the patient.

  Cheryl Tunt : EW!

  Pam Poovey : Not what it means.

  Lana Kane : Still pretty gross though.

• Malory Archer : Because that's...

  Lana Kane : Silvio Mascalzone, the prime minister of Italy?

  Sterling Archer : Prime minister? I thought Italy used a king.

  Lana Kane : What? No, they don't "use" a king!

• Lana Kane : Screw you, Archer! Sullen wench?

  Sterling Archer : Come on, Lana, relax. I had to make it look good!

  Lana Kane : You had to make it look good?

  Sterling Archer : And also annoy you.

  Lana Kane : Walther PPK. Chamber 32 ACP. What's the capacity?

  Sterling Archer : 8 rounds?

  Lana Kane : Plus one in the chamber for a total of nine.

  Sterling Archer : OK, thanks, Rain Man; your point?

  Lana Kane : Malory's clip was empty, but she claims she only fired three rounds.

  Sterling Archer : Whoa, wait a minute, you're saying mother lured Mascalzone up to her apartment, squeezed him into a six foot man rubber, calls us, then pulls a gun on him? That would be a crock of shit, because that would mean she called the cops on herself.

  Lana Kane : Knowing they would not come back after they searched the apartment which was full of people and spotless.

  Sterling Archer : Oh, my god! Do the math, Rain Man! The wall was shot three times, and Mascalzone was shot five. For a total of - wait for it - 8.

  Lana Kane : Plus the one in her arm.

  Sterling Archer : [laughs]  So wait a minute? Mother shot herself? Oh, my god! Which would mean that mother has been banging this guy once a week for the last 35 years, and the whole time she's been holding a grudge! Holy shit - she killed him.

  Lana Kane : And got us to dispose of the body.

  Sterling Archer : But why?

  Lana Kane : Who knows? It's Malory. You really want to know why she killed a guy?

  Malory Archer : [Flashback - Malory removes her trench coat]  Honey, you still got it!

  Sterling Archer : So much of this I never want to know the answer to. By the way, do you want to go for a slice?

  [Thinks about it] 

  Sterling Archer : God, what is with me and Italian lately?

• Sterling Archer : I'll probably never be able to eat again without thinking about spaghetti and meatballs! Oh, god... I could eat!

  Malory Archer : What?

  Lana Kane : What?

  Sterling Archer : Well, not necessarily sphaghetti and meatballs, but not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs either. I mean, man, I really want some spaghetti and meatballs. I mean if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs, I could literally die.

• Pam Poovey : What are you doing? From the left, dear. One serves from the left.

  Cheryl Tunt : Whatever has gotten into you, Calpernia?

  Lana Kane : My mistake, ma'am.

  Sterling Archer : Well, I should say it is, Calpernia! Mother, your maid is...

  [pause] 

  Sterling Archer : Oh, hello!