Community (TV Series)

Origins of Vampire Mythology (2012)

Yvette Nicole Brown: Shirley Bennett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeff Winger : Remember, it's just a quick peek at Blade. If you tell anyone that we did this, I will stop letting you do things with me I'm afraid to tell anyone about.

  Shirley Bennett : Hey, I get it. You want to take a look at Britta's ex-boyfriend; if you did it by yourself, you'd be weird.

  Jeff Winger : [beat]  You're the only one who really understands me.

• Jeff Winger : Your parents named you Blade?

  Blade : Apparently.

  Jeff Winger : Well, you seem okay with it.

  Blade : Not much to do about it.

  Jeff Winger , Shirley Bennett : You could change it.

  Blade : To what? Templeton Ferrari III? Won't change how mustard tastes. I'll be right back.

  Shirley Bennett : Huh. Won't change how mustard tastes. I get it. I see the appeal. He's relaxed, he's cool. N-not as cool as you.

• Britta Perry : I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. I need to be reminded that he's the worst man on earth, because if he comes through town and calls me, I will be there in five minute.

  Shirley Bennett : I don't understand.

  Britta Perry : Uh, André much?

  Shirley Bennett : OK, I understand.

  Annie Edison : I don't.

  Britta Perry , Pierce Hawthorne : You will.

  Jeff Winger : What's that mean?

  Pierce Hawthorne : He's hung.

  Britta Perry : Oh, God!

  Shirley Bennett : Pierce, you're disgusting.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Just like that I'm disgusting again.

  [scoffs] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : I was one of the gang. It was in my hand.

  Shirley Bennett : Sometimes, a woman meets a man that she just can't shake from her system no matter much she knows better. I lucked out with André, but God help me. As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with.

  Jeff Winger : So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie?

  Troy Barnes : [pounds fist on table]  A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie.

  Britta Perry : No, I don't believe in love because of this guy...

  [choking up] 

  Britta Perry : named after a kickboxing vampire movie.

  Annie Edison : Oh, Britta!

  Shirley Bennett : Oh, sweetie.

  Troy Barnes : [under his breath to Abed]  You wanna watch Blade tonight?

  Abed Nadir : [under his breath]  Yes.

• Shirley Bennett : Why do you wanna know the secret to making a woman psycho?

  Jeff Winger : Why do we wanna know how to blow up the earth or grow a human ear on a mouse? In case we have to, Shirley. In case we have to.

• Pierce Hawthorne : So, Britta, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend.

  Britta Perry : Why, so you all can get a big laugh?

  Abed Nadir : Yeah.

  Jeff Winger : I'd love to have a laugh.

  [giggling interspersed throughout the group] 

  Troy Barnes : The exact reason.

  Britta Perry : Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. And if it entertains you guys, that's great because we're friends. His name is Blade and...

  [interrupted as the group again bursts into derisive laughter] 

  Jeff Winger : She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, and we're still laughing. That's how funny it is!

  Abed Nadir : His name is Blade. Is that legal? Shouldn't New Line Cinema be suing him?

  Britta Perry : He was called that before that stupid movie.

  Troy Barnes : He was called that before the fantastic movie.

  Abed Nadir : And it was a marvel comic in 1973.

  Britta Perry : Well, nerd alert.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert.

  [Shirley laughing as she offer Pierce a high-five] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : .

  Shirley Bennett : Her love life makes Pierce seem with it.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Her pain unifies us.

  [Britta appears stoic] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : She has the King Arthur of bad taste in men.

  [empathy begins to show with Jeff] 

• Pierce Hawthorne : How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group?

  Shirley Bennett , Annie Edison : Aw!

  Shirley Bennett , Annie Edison : Don't patronize me.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Oh.