- Sheldon Cooper: So, um. how are you?
- Stuart: Uh, not so good; my shrink just killed himself. Blamed me in the note.
- Sheldon Cooper: Great, great.
- Penny: I got some candles in my apartment.
- Sheldon Cooper: Candles, during a blackout! Are you mad! That's a fire hazard. No, Pasadena Water & Power recommends the far safer glow stick.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You call that a glow stick?
- [Pulls out a glowing lightsaber replica]
- Leonard Hofstadter: That is a glow stick.
- Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! Your Froot Loops are getting soggy!
- Howard Wolowitz: Not now!
- Michael J. Massimino: Who's that?
- Howard Wolowitz: My mom. Sorry.
- Michael J. Massimino: No problem... Froot Loops.
- Penny: Oh, good, your power's out too.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why is that good?
- Penny: Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card, an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra.
- Raj Koothrappali: Dude, if you're going to be an astronaut, you need to pick a cool nickname.
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't get to pick it. The other guys have to give it to me.
- Raj Koothrappali: If I had one, it would be Brown Dynamite.
- Howard Wolowitz: Are you not listening to me? The other astronauts have to give you your nickname.
- Raj Koothrappali: Are you not looking at me? I *am* Brown Dynamite!
- Sheldon Cooper: Now, put on your hard had and safety vest.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, fun! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of The Village people.
- Sheldon Cooper: You make that joke every three months; I still don't get it.
- Raj Koothrappali: What about we make your astronaut nickname Howard "Buzz" Wolowitz.
- Howard Wolowitz: You can't do Buzz. Buzz is taken.
- Raj Koothrappali: Buzz Lightyear's not real.
- Howard Wolowitz: No, that's not what I'm talking about.
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, are you talking about when he thought he was real.
- Howard Wolowitz: No.
- Raj Koothrappali: Ok, um, oh, how about Crash? Howard "Crash" Wolowitz?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, terrific; the other astronauts would love to go hurtling through space with a man named Crash.
- Sheldon Cooper: My apologies. I would have been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship and strips down the Roommate Agreement to its bare essentials. Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities, and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall. "S'up?"
- Leonard Hofstadter: Where do I sign?
- Sheldon Cooper: Right here.
- [turns his tablet around]
- Sheldon Cooper: Use your finger.
- Leonard Hofstadter: There, done.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, that's it. We are now no longer companions, boon or otherwise. We are now merely acquaintances. To amend the words of Toy Story: You have not got a friend in me!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?
- Sheldon Cooper: Two years ago, after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus, but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's just a blackout. I'm sure the power'll be back on soon.
- Sheldon Cooper: And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now. I like to think they ate him first.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm sorry, Sheldon. I'm busy. I'm right in the middle of my addiction study. I've got a lab full of alcoholic monkeys, and tomorrow's the day we switch them to O'Douls.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll tell you exactly how he did. Readiness, unsatisfactory; follows direction, barely; attitude, a little too much. Overall, not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day.
- Sheldon Cooper: I was just sitting at home, thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person.
- Stuart: Ninth?
- Sheldon Cooper: You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates.
- Stuart: Sheldon, I'm working; I can't take you to the dentist. Also, and I can't stress this enough, I don't want to take you to the dentist.
- Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! Are you coming down for breakfast?
- Howard Wolowitz: Ma, I told you I have a video conference with NASA! I said don't bother me!
- Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut!
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes, please listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut!
- Michael J. Massimino: Hey, Howard. Thanks for getting up so early.
- Howard Wolowitz: No problem, Dr. Massimino.
- Michael J. Massimino: The guys here call me Mass.
- Howard Wolowitz: Mass. That's a cool nickname, because force equals mass times acceleration.
- Michael J. Massimino: Yeah, it's just short for Massimino.
- [first lines]
- [Sheldon sounds a virtual klaxon in Leonard's bedroom]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yahhh! What the hell!
- Sheldon Cooper: Emergency preparedness drill.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, no, come on!
- Sheldon Cooper: You know how it works. Once a quarter; keep our readiness up. Now, rise and shine sleepyhead, half the town is probably dead.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I have to get a lock for my door.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Amy] You're my girlfriend and you're not going to cater to my every need? Oh, where'd the magic go?
- Penny: Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for. Although, you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know...
- Sheldon Cooper: An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing mighty edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice!
- Howard Wolowitz: Next week I fly to Houston for orientation and zero-gravity elimination drills.
- Penny: What does that mean?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: He's gonna learn to poop in space.
- Howard Wolowitz: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
- Raj Koothrappali: Maybe your nickname should be Brown Dynamite.
- [During a blackout Leonard and Penny start to make out. Sheldon walks in unannounced]
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Leonard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Since when DON'T you knock? It's like the only good thing about you!