- Jack Donaghy: Going mano a mano against a real adversary... me. It's the ultimate game. Jack Donaghy: Playing with himself. It's a Jack-off.
- Jack Donaghy: No one has ever won a land war in Russia. Not Napoleon, not Hitler, not even Balki in the unaired ninth season of "Perfect Strangers."
- Kenneth Parcell: Excuse me, sirs. Mr. Donaghy, do you remember the other day when you said there are other opportunities for me at the company?
- Jack Donaghy: Of course.
- Kenneth Parcell: Well, I would like to discuss those opportunities with you further. Because I am quitting the page program.
- Liz Lemon: But you have no other skills.
- Jack Donaghy: He's a white male with hair, Lemon. The sky's the limit.
- Jenna Maroney: Adam, trust me. Any girl would want to dance with you. You're rich. And you're fat, so you'll die young. Women love that.
- Tracy Jordan: Ad-rock, I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell my son. Put money in the girl's mouth. Also, my friend Darryl is your real father.