South Park (TV Series)

Cartman Finds Love (2012)

Trey Parker: Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Jimmy Valmer, Clyde Donnovan, Mr. Garrison, Cupid Me, Nichole's Father, Stacy Muleberg, Guy in Laxative Commercial, Basketball Announcer

Quotes 

• Eric Cartman : Love is like taking a dump, Butters; sometimes it works itself out, but sometimes you got to give it a nice hard slimey push.

• Eric Cartman : There's something you should probably know. Man, this is hard. Um, the thing is, me and Kyle are kind of, you know, together.

  [trying to stir Nicole away from Kyle, whom she has a crush on] 

  Nichole : Ooohhh.

  Eric Cartman : Yeah, he's my man. I'm more out than Kyle is, but it sucks because he acts like we're not a couple at school because he's embarrassed, but when we get home and he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.

  Nichole : Wow, I'm sorry. I totally respect that. Hey, thanks a lot for telling me.

  [puts an arm on his left shoulder] 

  Eric Cartman : Cool. So, just, you know, don't touch me 'cause I'm not into girls and it kind of grosses me out.

  Nichole : Oh, I'm sorry.

  [retracts her arm] 

  Eric Cartman : Yeah, cool. Anyway, thanks a lot, and, you know, stay away from my man, bitch.

  [snaps a finger and walks away] 

• Eric Cartman : [as Token hugs Nicole, Cartman is touched] 

  [sweetly] 

  Eric Cartman : Ohhhhh my God.

  Cupid Me : [pops out of Cartman's head]  We did it, Eric. We found them each other's ray of sunshine.

  Eric Cartman : You're my ray of sunshine, Cupid Me.

  [tickles the little cupid] 

  Cupid Me : Teeheeheehee.

  [pops back into Cartman's head, leaving behind a trail of hearts]