South Park (TV Series)

Cash for Gold (2012)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Randy Marsh, Marvin Marsh, Twirler 1, Twirler 2, Twirler 3, Twirler 4, Clerk 1, Clerk 3, Clerk 4, Caller 2

Quotes 

• [Stan calls a jewelry shopping channel] 

  Stan Marsh : Yeah hi. Erm, you should kill yourself.

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : What's that?

  Stan Marsh : I said, "you should kill yourself." What you do is, sort of, unjustifiable. And you know it's unjustifiable. And you don't care. You're the definition of evil. Kill yourself.

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : Okay, we're gonna sell this ring for just 37,95. How's that?

  Stan Marsh : I just read that the day shopping networks make most of their money is on the day seniors pick up social security checks. Kill yourself.

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : All right, well, you shouldn't say things like that, 'cause some host of a jewelry channel sure might up and do it. Then you'd feel really bad.

  Stan Marsh : No, I wouldn't.

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : Yes, you would.

  Stan Marsh : No, because I really want you to kill yourself.

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : All right, well how about this? If a jewelry network host goes home tonight and blows his brains out, you might be liable. That's a lawsuit worth 2.7 million dollars. How's that sound?

  Stan Marsh : I don't care what happens to me. I care about my grandfather, you morally empty, corrupted maggot.

  [silence] 

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : All right, I'll tell you what. I'll bring the lawsuit down to 29, 39...

  Stan Marsh : No, no, it doesn't matter what price you put on anything. Your only chance to right the wrongs you've done and repay all the elderly people whose lives you've destroyed, is to kill yourself.

  [silence] 

  Dean - Jewelry Channel Host : [clears his throat]  Well, you think it's funny, but that's, that's calling up and telling someone to kill themselves. That's not a joke.

  Stan Marsh : I'm not joking.

  [pause] 

  Stan Marsh : Do it.