Community (TV Series)
Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts (2012)
Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : Shirley asked me to say something nice at her wedding.
Leonard : This is the rehearsal.
Jeff Winger : Shut up, Leonard! Those girls you play ping-pong with are doing it ironically! Well! I searched my heart... for something nice to say at a wedding, and I found nothing, so I had a drink. And then I looked real hard. And you know what I found? My daddy said he would stay with my mommy forever, and he left! Marriage is a lie! Nobody commits to this! Nobody stays with anybody forever, so why do we keep lying?
Britta Perry : [slurring] I'm gonna stay with somebody forever. It's in my stupid DNA. I was born to be a wife and that's all I'm ever gonna be! You expect anyone here to believe that? I don't care if anybody believes it, jackass! It's a fact!
Jeff Winger : Prove it, ding dong!
Troy Barnes : There are a lot of layers to this.
Abed Nadir : It's almost too conceptual to follow, but... I love it.
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Annie Edison : [Annie enters and admires the study room] Holy crap! Britta, you're really good at this.
Britta Perry : I know.
Annie Edison : What's wrong with you?
Britta Perry : This may shock you, Annie, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.
Annie Edison : Many do.
Britta Perry : But I ran away from it my whole life. I refused to give Santa a christmas list, because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything. And now, look at me! I'm Betty Crocker. I'm Martha Stewart. I'm one of the Steppenwolf
[sic, Stepford, malapropism]
Britta Perry : wives.
[Abed and Troy enter]
Britta Perry : Ohh, God.
[walks to Abed and straightens his tie]
Britta Perry : I'm gonna make some man very happy someday.
Abed Nadir : Ooh. Easy.
Troy Barnes : Slow down.
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Troy Barnes : We just saw the Inspector Spacetime wedding episode, so we know what pitfalls to avoid.
Abed Nadir : Be sure to get a DNA sample from of your prospective mate. Inspector Spacetime ended up marrying himself as a baby.
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Andre : Hey, anybody seen Shirley?
Abed Nadir : What? Shirley's late to the rehearsal for her wedding? Oh my.
Andre : Hey man, you don't have to be sarcastic.
Abed Nadir : I'm not being sarcastic.
Troy Barnes : We're heavily invested in your situation. Nothing's more important to us than your second wedding's rehearsal going smoothly.
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Troy Barnes : I can't believe Shirley. We should show up at this wedding and be the most normal people in the world.
Abed Nadir : Yeah, I could go as Normal Man and you could be my trusty sidekick Ordinario.
Troy Barnes : [guffaws] No. That's already weird. We'd be playing into her hand. We should just show up wearing boring gray suits with gray ties and gray shirts. We could dye our hair gray. And then we could lay down on the sidewalk and be invisible. You know, maybe Shirley's got a point.
Abed Nadir : I have an idea. What if we purged all the weirdness from our systems?
Troy Barnes : You mean...
Abed Nadir : A full 24-hour weird-down in the dreamatorium. Just you, me, and our imaginations... no restraints. By the wedding, our temptation to act weird will be gone.
Troy Barnes : [guffaws] I'm feeling more normal already. Crab walk home?
Abed Nadir : Yeah.
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Elijah Bennett : Walk the plank.
Abed Nadir : I think you've mistaken us for pirates. We are community college students.
[Andre and Shirley's sons sigh and exit]
Troy Barnes : Abed, I just had an odd thought. What if once you go from being weird to normal, you can never go back to being weird again?
Abed Nadir : That is an odd thought.
Troy Barnes : Well, let's hope it's the last.
Abed Nadir : Cheers to that, my everyday friend.
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Abed Nadir : It's cool that Andre and Shirley are getting married again. There's a whole generation of viewers that didn't get to see the original.
Troy Barnes : Let's hope it's more of a Bale than a Kilmer situation.
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Shirley Bennett : Everyone just come and... relax
[lowers her voice]
Shirley Bennett : and behave normally.
Abed Nadir : [scoffs repeatedly] That's the noise people make when they're offended in all the movies that Annie rents.
[Annie scoffs]
Troy Barnes : We'll try not to embarrass you at your community college library wedding.
Shirley Bennett : Thank you.
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Troy Barnes : [exits dreamatorium post 24-hour weird-down] Well, that should do it.
Abed Nadir : Yeah. My God, isn't tonight Shirley's wedding rehearsal? Look at how we're dressed.
Troy Barnes : Yes, this simply won't do. Let's change into something appropriate for the occasion and be on our way.
Abed Nadir : I agree.
Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir : [speaking flatly] Troy and Abed being normal.
[normal handshake]
