Community (TV Series)
Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts (2012)
Alison Brie: Annie Edison
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : When's our culture gonna outgrow this wedding thing?
Annie Edison : You're anti-wedding now?
Jeff Winger : No, she's just pro-anti.
Britta Perry : No to everything you both said.
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Annie Edison : [Annie enters and admires the study room] Holy crap! Britta, you're really good at this.
Britta Perry : I know.
Annie Edison : What's wrong with you?
Britta Perry : This may shock you, Annie, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.
Annie Edison : Many do.
Britta Perry : But I ran away from it my whole life. I refused to give Santa a christmas list, because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything. And now, look at me! I'm Betty Crocker. I'm Martha Stewart. I'm one of the Steppenwolf
[sic, Stepford, malapropism]
Britta Perry : wives.
[Abed and Troy enter]
Britta Perry : Ohh, God.
[walks to Abed and straightens his tie]
Britta Perry : I'm gonna make some man very happy someday.
Abed Nadir : Ooh. Easy.
Troy Barnes : Slow down.
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Annie Edison : Hey! Did you think of a toast?
Jeff Winger : Well, yeah. Uh, I had a drink, and I looked in my heart, and here's what I got so far... "Webster's dictionary defines..."
Annie Edison : Gah! Stop! "Webster's dictionary defines"? That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings... it accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody understands why.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, well, it's all I got. That took me eight hours and six macallan neat... ses. Look, I'm sorry, I just don't believe in marriage.
Britta Perry : I do. It's inevitable.
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Britta Perry : Come on, how difficult is this?
[sighs]
Britta Perry : You do one of these, one of these, one of these, this one, this one and, like, stick a ribbon on it. Happy?
[strumming harp]
Annie Edison : Britta, that's a really beautiful arrangement.
Dale : Color me lavender. "Lavender" means "impressed."
Britta Perry : Yeah, well, great... Flowers look good in a pot. There are people dying in Uganda.
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Annie Edison : [to Andre And Shirley] Hi, sorry, don't want to interrupt. But you are cordially invited to prevent a disaster.
Britta Perry : I promise to put your dreams before mine.
Jeff Winger : I promise to bottle up my repulsion at the sight of your hair in the drain.
Britta Perry : I promise to earn no more than 70% of what you would make at the same job.
Jeff Winger : What about babies?
Britta Perry : What about 'em?
Jeff Winger : How many?
Britta Perry : Pick a number, dick! Like it's up to me!
Shirley Bennett : What in God's name are you two doing?
Britta Perry : Getting married. What does it look like we're doing?
Shirley Bennett : You two are damn fools.
[to Minister]
Shirley Bennett : Oh, sorry.
Minister : I'll allow it.
Britta Perry : I am a fool. I was a fool to think I wasn't destined for a life of this. I mean, look around. Can you even imagine what kind of wedding I could throw if I actually gave a crap? No offense.
Shirley Bennett : Knock it off.
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Dale : Well, have you thought about the color story for your wedding?
Annie Edison : He means the theme of the wedding. Right, Dale?
Dale : Mm-hmm.
Britta Perry : Same theme as every wedding... Conformity, blind participation, and patriarchal...
Annie Edison : What about pink?
Dale : We don't call it pink. We don't call anything by its name. That's, like, day-one floral school stuff. This is citrine. This is opalescent. This is sea glass, cameo, and cerulean.
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Shirley Bennett : Um, Jeff, I was wondering if you would do us the honor of giving a toast at our wedding?
Annie Edison : Good idea! Jeff has a lot of thoughts about marriage.
Jeff Winger : I would be honored.
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Jeff Winger : [Annie walking by, humming] Annie! I need your help.
[Annie squealing chuckle]
Jeff Winger : Um, you're, like, sentimental and stuff.
Annie Edison : Oh!
Jeff Winger : I'm really having trouble coming up with a toast.
Annie Edison : I find that hard to believe, Jeff. You once convinced Troy that turtlenecks were made of turtles' necks.
Jeff Winger : It's true, my superpower is that I can assume any position that suits my purpose. In that example... Keeping turtlenecks as an option for myself, down the road. But I do have a kryptonite. It's so obvious to me that marriage is dumb, I can't even pretend to get behind it.
Annie Edison : You know what I think would make the perfect toast? You, as Shirley's friend and a good guy, just saying what's really in your heart. There's something real in there. Maybe that's what scares you.
[exits]
Jeff Winger : [to himself] I could use a drink.
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Annie Edison : Did someone say "Annie", "help," "wedding," and something about maybe hydrangeas?
