Modern Family (TV Series)
Express Christmas (2011)
Ed O'Neill: Jay Pritchett
Photos
Quotes
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Jay Pritchett : Why are you wearing a sweater when it's ninety-five degrees out?
Cameron Tucker : It's my Christmas sweater.
Jay Pritchett : Based on those stains, you are the Christmas sweater.
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Phil Dunphy : I am sorry, but there is no turkey.
Claire Dunphy : There's no turkey? What's the plan, Phil?
Phil Dunphy : Cornish game hens. If you get real close, they look like turkeys, and everyone gets their own.
Jay Pritchett : [Whispers] Sounds like fun.
Claire Dunphy : Not fun. Not fun. I asked you to pick up a cooked turkey.
Phil Dunphy : The store was out of turkeys. It was an hour to Express Christmas. Please, just make it work, okay? Please.
Claire Dunphy : They're not even defrosted.
Phil Dunphy : Fine, Claire. You want 'em defrosted?
[Takes out stun gun and tases the hens on every other word]
Phil Dunphy : MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS!
Claire Dunphy : Phil!
[Everyone gasps]
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : ...is that my stun gun?
Phil Dunphy : Yep, and it works great!
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Jay Pritchett : Can I put in my two cents on fake Christmas?
Phil Dunphy : Express Christmas.
Jay Pritchett : Let it go, Phil. It's not sticking.
Phil Dunphy : It needs time.