Community (TV Series)
Studies in Modern Movement (2011)
Gillian Jacobs: Britta Perry
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : What I'm saying, Annie, is that if you're gonna live with two guys like that, you've gotta learn to go limp.
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Hitchhiker : [singing] Jesus loves marijuana / Jesus loves marijuana
Britta Perry : Amen.
Hitchhiker : Jesus loves marijuana / and drinking human blood, ohh
[Britta and Shirley look at each other askance]
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Pierce Hawthorne : Hold it. Where's Winger?
Annie Edison : Sick.
Pierce Hawthorne : Pshaw!
Britta Perry : Yeah, I'm calling him.
Jeff Winger : [cell phone rings in changing room]
[fake raspy voice]
Jeff Winger : Hello?
Britta Perry : So you're sick, huh?
Jeff Winger : Uh, that's what they tell me.
Britta Perry : Cut the wit, Winger. Where are you, The Gap or Banana Republic?
Jeff Winger : Wow, Britta, you got me all figured out.
Britta Perry : Well I can tell you're not in bed.
Jeff Winger : That's right, Britta. I'm pretending to be violently ill to avoid lifting a few boxes. Because I'm 13.
Clerk : And who's your primary care physician, Mr. Winger?
Jeff Winger : Uh, Dr. Schroeder. S-c-h. Um, do you want to see my insurance card?
Clerk : Please.
Britta Perry : Wait, are you at a hospital?
Jeff Winger : No, I'm at The Gap.
[price scanner beeping]
Jeff Winger : You hear that? That's not a heart monitor. It's a machine telling me I'm low on khakis.
Clerk : [over intercom] Dr. Tarpenian to radiology, Dr. Tarpenian.
Britta Perry : Crap, I- I'm sorry. I just assumed...
Jeff Winger : Whatever. I don't blame you. I've lied before. It's probably karma that I'm sick. But believe me, if you had what I have, you'd rather be moving boxes.
Britta Perry : Okay, feel better. Sorry.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, I'll see you guys on Monday.
[fake coughs]
Jeff Winger : [disconnects] You are fantastic.
Clerk : So are you. What are you doing after this?
Jeff Winger : Probably trying a couple of boot-cuts. But after that... maybe, like, a blazer?
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Britta Perry : Yeah, but your religion isn't the same as morality and calling me amoral because I'm atheistic is religious persecution.
Shirley Bennett : How can I religiously persecute you? You don't have a religion.
Britta Perry : Oh, look! A hitchhiker. A person in need. Oh, my God. What am I doing? I'm pulling over to help him out.
Shirley Bennett : Do not help him out.
Britta Perry : Why, because it proves the existence of secular morality?
[smiling]
Shirley Bennett : No, because he looks stinky.
Britta Perry : Judge not, Shirley. Judge not.
Hitchhiker : I really appreciate it, thank you.
Britta Perry : Where are you headed, fellow human?
Hitchhiker : Riverside Falls?
Shirley Bennett : That's 40 minutes away.
Britta Perry : Oh, I guess I'm just a really good person.
Hitchhiker : I knew you were. I could see the kindness in your faces. I assume you've both accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
[Britta's smile fades]
Shirley Bennett : [smiling] Oh, that's nice.
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Hitchhiker : And that's when I realized I had to forgive them.
Shirley Bennett : That's a beautiful story. So inspiring how he came to find the lord. Isn't it, Britta?
Britta Perry : Yeah, yeah.
Hitchhiker : Well, I didn't exactly have to find the lord. He was inside me.
Shirley Bennett : Amen! What's your name, friend?
Hitchhiker : Jesus.
Shirley Bennett : Oh. Are you L... latino?
Hitchhiker : No, my child. I am him.
Shirley Bennett : You're what now?
Hitchhiker : I am the one true son of God. I was sent here to save humanity.
Shirley Bennett : [under her breath] Oh, no.
Britta Perry : Well, it is a pleasure to have you in my car, Jesus.
Shirley Bennett : Britta, stop. It's not funny now.
Britta Perry : Hey Jesus, just curious, what's your position on marijuana?
Hitchhiker : It was given to us by God. It should be legal.
Britta Perry : Oh, that's nice.
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Hitchhiker : Thank you. Thank you very much. Now, with your permission, I'd like to sing a little song about race-mixing. This one's called "Don't You Do It."
Britta Perry , Shirley Bennett : [brakes lock] Get out!
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Abed Nadir : Also, Troy scraped me when we were fork-jousting last week and I don't think it's healing right.
Annie Edison : Oh.
Britta Perry : Ew!
Annie Edison : Abed, that's infected.
Troy Barnes : Infected. That's the word I was looking for.
Jeff Winger : Hi, guys.
Annie Edison : I thought you were sick.
Jeff Winger : I was... n't. I kind of made it up to get out of helping.
Britta Perry : Oh, that's okay.
Jeff Winger : It is?
Britta Perry : Yeah, it is. Oh! Hey, Jeff, did you know that when it snows my eyes become large?
Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Troy Barnes , Shirley Bennett : [singing] and the light that you shine can be seen...
Jeff Winger : He tweeted it?
Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Troy Barnes , Shirley Bennett : Baby...
Jeff Winger : [wails] He tweeted it!
Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Troy Barnes , Shirley Bennett : I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray
Dean Pelton : [singing] and now that your rose is in bloom / a light hits the gloom on the gray
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Abed Nadir : Oh, look out, asteroids!
Troy Barnes : That was close. Thanks for getting us to planet Greendalia safely, horsebot 3000.
Abed Nadir : [neighs] Well...
Annie Edison : Oh, no! Greendalia has been overrun by evil King Blorgon!
Abed Nadir : Look out, Troyborg! Pew pew pew! Ah! I'm dead.
Troy Barnes : Horsebot 3000, no! I love you!
Abed Nadir : I am King Blorgon and my plan is to blow up the world! Your lasers are useless against me.
Troy Barnes : Aim for his butt. It's his only weakness. Pew pew! Bam bam!
Abed Nadir : Aah!
Annie Edison : We did it! Peace and tranquility have been restored to Greendalia.
Troy Barnes : All thanks to horsebot 3000. He belongs to the stars now.
[neighs]
Britta Perry : All right, five more minutes and we should probably put a stop to this, right? Jeff, are you...
Jeff Winger : [choked up] I liked horsebot 3000.