- Homer Simpson: Alright food nerds, reality check. All the food in those pictures is poop by now. Minds blown, you're welcome.
- Marge Simpson: The kids sure had a good time with you.
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, I was on today. Scary on.
- Marge Simpson: How come they never call me Fun Mom?
- Homer Simpson: Look, honey. A family's like a team. And on every team, you have the slam-dunking megastar and the referee.
- Marge Simpson: It's not fair. Moms want to be fun, but we're stuck with all the mom stuff.
- Homer Simpson: OK, OK. How about this: Next week, you take the kids on a Saturday Surprise Dad Day?
- Marge Simpson: What if, we rolled pennies and go to the dollar store?
- Homer Simpson: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.
- Homer Simpson: And check these out.
- Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson: VIP passes!
- Homer Simpson: Is there any better feeling than cutting in line because a plastic badge says you're special?
- Foodie: We discovered Korean food in this town.
- Lisa Simpson: You mean before the Koreans?
- Foodie: Sure, they cook it, but they don't get it.
- Homer Simpson: Our kids don't eat sorbet, they eat sherbet, and they pronounce it sherbet and wish it was ice-cream.
- [last lines]
- Marge Simpson: This is nice. A family fun day.
- Homer Simpson: [to kids] Here's fifty bucks.
- [hands kids $50 bill]
- Homer Simpson: For the next two hours, I don't want to know you exist.
- [laughs]
- Homer Simpson: [kids run off]
- Homer Simpson: Family fun day.
- [kisses Marge]
- [first lines]
- Marge Simpson: And here's a marble for Lisa for cleaning her room. And a marble for Bart for not trashing Lisa's room. The jars are full! So, you've earned your Saturday Surprise Dad Day!
- Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: Yay!
- Homer Simpson: This Saturday, from the dad who brought you cemetery paintball, and go-karts on real roads, comes the greatest activity yet...
- Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: Video game convention!