Community (TV Series)
Competitive Ecology (2011)
Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : Guys, I just figured it all out.
Troy Barnes : Pierce, wake up, Jeff is gonna heal us.
Jeff Winger : We have been looking at this totally wrong. There's no way I'm unpopular. One of you monsters just put me last in a petty attempt to humble me.
Pierce Hawthorne : [Fake-snores] Oh! I just had a terrible nightmare that Jeff was a pompous ass. Also Todd was there. Uh, no offense, Todd.
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Annie Edison : [Each member of the group is trying to break up with their lab partner] It's not you, it's me.
Britta Perry : I'm just trying to protect us both from more pain down the road.
Abed Nadir : I may have a developmental disorder.
Troy Barnes : I need to catch up on "Breaking Bad", so...
Shirley Bennett : I'm so sorry.
Jeff Winger : I have a developmental disorder.
[Pretends to be Abed]
Jeff Winger : Star Wars, Star Wars. Cool, cool, cool. Hmm. You understand.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man. I don't know you, but I just don't trust you. And I don't think I could grow to like you. The point of what I'm trying to tell you, Todd, is that I don't want to be your lab partner. No offense.
Todd : None taken. I understand, you wanna be with your friends.
Pierce Hawthorne : Don't tell me what I'm feeling or thinking. It's petty. Good-bye, Todd. Okay, how are we gonna divide the... Hey, wh...
[Pierce realizes he's odd man out and chases after Todd]
Pierce Hawthorne : Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy! You passed the test.
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Abed Nadir : All right, yep. According to my system, Annie's gonna be with Shirley. Pierce is with me. Troy is with Britta. And Jeff is with Todd.
Britta Perry : Okay, let's get to work.
Jeff Winger : Uh, wait. Um, how did I end up with Todd? I mean, no offense, but he wasn't exactly at the top of my list.
Todd : None taken.
Abed Nadir : It's what the algorithm dictated.
Jeff Winger : And we're just supposed to trust your algorithm?
Abed Nadir : You're questioning my algorithm?
Jeff Winger : Not necessarily. Is your algorithm above questioning?
Abed Nadir : Not necessarily.
Jeff Winger : Will you just tell us how you chose?
Abed Nadir : I used the ballots to rank everyone by popularity. And I put the most popular with the least popular. I figured it would maximize each partnership's audience appeal.
Jeff Winger : Oh, I-I see. So I was number one, and he was obviously number eight. No offense, Todd.
Abed Nadir : You and Todd were four and five.
Jeff Winger : [scoffs] I was four?
Abed Nadir : Todd was four.
Jeff Winger : I was five? Well, that's insane! We don't even know him. He's a stranger.
Pierce Hawthorne : Please, Jeff. It has feelings.
Troy Barnes : Wait, so we all know Annie was number one, because she'd do all the work.
Annie Edison : [demurely] Oh.
Troy Barnes : And Shirley was her partner, so...
Shirley Bennett : But that means-- so you all put...
Pierce Hawthorne : I just worked it out. I'm more popular than someone!
