Community (TV Series)
Advanced Gay (2011)
Gillian Jacobs: Britta Perry
Photos
Quotes
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Pierce Hawthorne : [eulogizing his father] Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. "Comb your hair, you idiot, you look Greek." I'll never know if that was true, but I do know that I was too scared to stand up for myself. Well, I'm not scared of you anymore because you're dead, and I'm not. So, I win... and you can suck it.
Troy Barnes : Dude just told his dead dad to suck it!
Britta Perry : So edible!
[sic, Oedipal, mumpsimus]
Minister : You're the worst.
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Cornelius Hawthorne : These are your friends, Pierce?
Shirley Bennett : Hello.
[singsongy]
Cornelius Hawthorne : Minorities, Jewesses, and the unseasonably tan?
Britta Perry : That is inappropriate! And maybe you'll give that more weight since I'm "white."
[waves fingers in spooky fashion]
Cornelius Hawthorne : You've got a wide brow. What are you, Scandinavian?
Britta Perry : Yeah, Swedish.
Cornelius Hawthorne : [spits in disgust] Swedish dogs! Your blood is tainted by generations of race mixing with Laplanders. You're basically Finns!
Shirley Bennett : Oh, my goodness, he's like the Abed of racism.
Jeff Winger : Okay, since no one's willing to ask, what's going on with your hair?
Cornelius Hawthorne : Ordinary toupee hair is harvested from the heads of the godless oriental. Solid ivory is the only way to be assured of true follicular purity, while still identifying myself as a man of means.
Britta Perry : I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty.
Shirley Bennett : You can excuse racism?
Britta Perry : [shocked silence, shakes head and mouths "No"]
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Britta Perry : This is so edible.
[She means Oedipal]
Jeff Winger : Britta, you are gonna make a terrible therapist. And if you need to talk to someone about that, I don't recommend you.
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Shirley Bennett : Oh, my... Even Bruce Vilanch?
Jeff Winger : Especially Bruce Vilanch.
Pierce Hawthorne : That is copyright infringement and defamation. I'm going to sue the pants off that lady.
Annie Edison : I don't think that's a lady.
Troy Barnes : And why do you want his pants off?
Pierce Hawthorne : Shut up! I only wanted his pants off when I thought he was a lady.
Jeff Winger : So you were attracted to him?
Pierce Hawthorne : The only thing I'm attracted to is taking him to court and eating his ass alive.
Shirley Bennett , Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Britta Perry : Ooh!
Pierce Hawthorne : That's not what I meant. Stop putting gay things in my mouth.
[group laughs]
Shirley Bennett , Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Britta Perry : [group sings the Hawthorne wipes jingle] I got a pocket full of hawthornes, pocket full of hawthornes...
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Britta Perry : Oh, I see what's going on here! In my psych class I'm learning about this thing called the edible complex.
[sic, Oedipal complex, mumpsimus]
Britta Perry : All men have to kill their fathers so they can do something to their mothers. I haven't finished the chapter.
Jeff Winger : What's that complex called where you're wrong about everything?
Britta Perry : Huh, sarcasm from the man with the mother of all daddy issues.
Jeff Winger : Whoa, double diagnosis. Save some for all those poor real doctors.
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Jeff Winger : You know what, I was wrong. I think you'll be a very good therapist.
Britta Perry : And why is that?
Jeff Winger : You nailed Pierce in that whole Oedipal thing. The guy's got some serious father issues.
Britta Perry : Don't you think you may have had some Oedipal issues as well?
Jeff Winger : Not really seeing the connection.
Britta Perry : You literally killed a father.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, well, not mine, dummy.
Britta Perry : Wow.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Gay-oh!
[chuckles]
Pierce Hawthorne : He... hey, what's going on with you bitches? Bitches is gay talk for friends.
Troy Barnes : Did you sue Urbana Champaign for his t-shirt?
Pierce Hawthorne : Not at all, I bought this. I'm a fan. Also, I'm a gay rights advocate.
Abed Nadir : I think I can explain. Pierce's positrons have been negatized, creating anti-Pierce. It happens all the time inspector spacetime.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, but anti-inspector had a funny mustache and was kinda rapey.
Annie Edison : I don't think his positrons have been negatized.
Abed Nadir : That's exactly what Constable Reggie said.
Pierce Hawthorne : No, I thought about it, and I decided a man should not be judged by what he does with a fellow man's butt.
Jeff Winger : [quietly to Britta] Here's the kick.
Pierce Hawthorne : Plus since that song came out, Hawthorne Wipes sales went up 7%.
Jeff Winger : And it's good.
[Britta smiles in amusement]
Pierce Hawthorne : Yep, even had my own people mock up a design for a new product line. Hawthorne Pride Wipes. They may cost more, but they're gayer. And I'm gonna launch these little babies at a big party here at Greendale. Here's a flyer.
Shirley Bennett : Ooh! Greendale's first annual... gay bash.
Britta Perry : Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting the minimum requirements for open-mindedness.
Annie Edison : Yeah, I'm really proud of you. You're growing as a person.
Jeff Winger : Oh, good grief, he's not supporting gay people. They're supporting him. If Mexicans were buying his wipes, he would have ridden in on a donkey.
Pierce Hawthorne : People earning respect with money is the American way, Jeff. Not that my father would have agreed. It took a federal injunction to get him to sell these things to the Italians.
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Jeff Winger : Piercinald, please tell me you did not cancel your gay party because of your father.
Pierce Hawthorne : It's a business decision, Jeff. I took a look at the numbers, had someone explain them to me, and this is the way we're going.
Annie Edison : I thought you said Pierce's idea was dumb? Well that's before it was being oppressed by a...
Britta Perry : A father?
Jeff Winger : A homophobe! This isn't about fathers. This is about a long-suffering community with a constitutional right to wipe whoever and whatever they want.
Pierce Hawthorne : Well, if you like gay people so much, why don't you marry them?
Britta Perry : This is so edible.
[sic, Oedipal, mumpsimus]
Jeff Winger : Britta, you are gonna make a terrible therapist, and if you need to talk to someone about that, I don't recommend you.
Britta Perry : Hmm, is that how your dad talked to your mom?
Jeff Winger : No, that's how he talked to your mom.
Britta Perry : How does that make you feel?
Jeff Winger : Shut up.
