- Luke Dunphy: Can you keep a secret?
- Mitchell Pritchett: I kept a pretty big one for twenty-two years, so...
- Dylan: I've never been this far from home before.
- [Takes a step forward]
- Dylan: Now I've never been this far.
- [Takes another step]
- Dylan: Now I've never been this far.
- Claire Dunphy: [Under her breath] Where's a cliff when you need one?
- Haley Dunphy: [searching for Dylan] Dylan! Dylan!
- Dylan: What?
- Haley Dunphy: Where are you?
- Dylan: Wyoming!
- Hank: Okay, people, looks like we have a walker. Right now he is facing treacherous terrain, sudden drops, mountain lions, hungry bears - oh, and wolverines. That is, if the hypothermia didn't already get him.
- Claire Dunphy: [Lowered voice] Why did we come here again?
- Hank: So our best bet is to split up.
- [to Claire and Haley]
- Hank: You two are gonna take the north hiking trail.
- Haley Dunphy: Can I go with my dad instead?
- Hank: Negative. I need Buffalo Phil and Old-Timer to check the Snake River.
- Phil Dunphy: 'Buffalo Phil' - worth the wait.
- Hank: Me and Cactus Flower
- [Gloria]
- Hank: will ride on up to Destiny Ridge.
- Jay Pritchett: Maybe I should ride up there with her.
- Hank: Negatory. That trail is for advanced riders only - we don't need another dead body.
- Haley Dunphy: 'Another'?
- Alex Dunphy: I looked it up. The distance between our houses is 2,443 miles.
- Jimmy Scrivano: Yeah, but, you know, on some maps that's like pfft
- [Holds fingers close together]
- Jimmy Scrivano: this big.
- Alex Dunphy: [affectionately] God, you're stupid.