Photos
Quotes
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Schmidt : Oh, there's Brooke.
Jess Day : Who's Brooke?
Nick Miller : He's been into her since freshman year. She used to get drunk and pass out on our porch. It was like having a hot, alcoholic cat.
Schmidt : I'd always leave water out for her. Okay. Tonight just got real. She goes on top of the kill list.
Jess Day : Is that because you're gonna attempt to kill her by having sex with her?
Schmidt : More or less, yeah.
Jess Day : Oh, Schmidt, one day you're gonna kill the nicest girl.
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Nick Miller : The photo booth is a liar, FYI.
[pulling the curtain back]
Nick Miller : Oh, hey, ladies, you guys wanna see a grown man cry? No? Then get out!
[the girls inside get out]
Nick Miller : I think I saw a single doctor looking at you!
[to another girl nearby as he gets in]
Nick Miller : This is gonna take a while, orange.
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Winston Bishop : Hey, Nick, how you doin', buddy?
Nick Miller : They want me to leave the booth, but I'm staying. This is my home now. It's got everything that I need.
Schmidt : You can see by looking at these pictures that he's experiencing a variety of different emotions. This one is... well, that's actually his butt.
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Jess Day : She has a boyfriend.
Nick Miller : Yeah.
Jess Day : She shouldn't have been flirting with you all night. You can't be her backup plan. You have to let each other go. So, now you have to make a decision. "Am I gonna stay locked in a photo booth for the next hour, or am I gonna get out there, take my shoes off, and dance my face off?". Come on, it's up to you.
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Jess Day : Look at my new boyfriend. So fancy in his big boy tie.
Nick Miller : Jess, would you please stop?
Jess Day : Okay, what is it with Caroline? You're like a different person.
Nick Miller : Just focus on getting through today, please.
Jess Day : Okay, Mr. Boy T. Friend.
Nick Miller : What did I tell you?
Jess Day : Don't be myself.
Nick Miller : Yes.
Jess Day : That's what I love about our relationship. You never let me be myself.
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Jess Day : Hi, Nicholas.
Nick Miller : Hey, Jess. I live in a photo booth now.
Jess Day : Oh, is that so?
Nick Miller : Yep. Come on in, come on in. That's the kitchen area.
Jess Day : Very nice.
Nick Miller : This is the common area.
Jess Day : Uh-huh.
Nick Miller : Dining room, living room, kind of everything.
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Schmidt : Jess, what happened with Brooke?
Jess Day : What?
Schmidt : She just left here in tears because she said that you threatened her with a knife?
Jess Day : No! I was talking you up.
Schmidt : No, you shouldn't have been talking me up. You should have been taking care of Nick. Why is it so hard to do one thing?
Jess Day : How is this my fault?
Schmidt : Ruiner.
Jess Day : Did you just call me a ruiner?
Schmidt : Yeah.
Jess Day : Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not helping you guys anymore. Give me my teeth back.
Nick Miller : Stop it.
Jess Day : [searching his pocket] You don't appreciate them.
Nick Miller : Cool it!
Jess Day : [taking them and putting them in] Give them back. I'm gonna have fun, 'cause there's nothing wrong with who I am, and I like having fun at weddings. And I like dancing. And if you don't like that, then tough tater tots, tooter.
[storming off]
Jess Day : Jess is back!
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Winston Bishop : Yo, let's go. We can't be late. I am in the wedding.
Nick Miller : You're the usher, so relax.
Winston Bishop : Yeah, I'll be busy. That way, I won't have to sit around answering a bunch of stupid questions all day. Like, "do you have a job? Are you still playing basketball?". Does it look like I'm still playing overseas basketball?
Schmidt : What is the matter with you?
Winston Bishop : This is the first job I've had in, like, two months, dude, and I really want to just get in there and ush this wedding in the face!
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Schmidt : [seeing Jess in her dress for the wedding] Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Nick Miller : Wow. You look great.
Jess Day : [wearing fake plastic teeth] Let's go knock biscuits, brother-cousins.
Schmidt : No!
Nick Miller : No teeth, Jess. You can't use prop teeth.
Jess Day : Come on, guys. These are hilarious. Kids love these.
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Jess Day : It's our first wedding together, so we need nicknames. Nick is Knickknack or Mr. Suspenders.
Schmidt : No nicknames, okay? Your only job tonight is to be Nick's girlfriend, okay? And make sure that he stays out of trouble with Caroline.
Jess Day : Why can't you and Winston help?
Schmidt : We've tried. He doesn't listen to us anymore.
[flashback; Nick sits crying on the floor in his bedroom]
Schmidt : Look, she's not coming back.
Nick Miller : [return to the present] He's right. I don't.
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Jess Day : So, when we do the chicken dance, I do it a little bit differently. I know that it usually goes...
[humming the music]
Jess Day : But instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. 'Cause it's more realistic.
Nick Miller : No chicken dance!
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Nick Miller : [after introducing Jess to Caroline] Oh, my god. Was she jealous? I think she was jealous. You did so good. That was remarkable.
Jess Day : [wearing her fake teeth] I just done what my mama learnt me.
Nick Miller : Give me the teeth.
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Jess Day : Who is that?
Schmidt : It's Gretchen Nelson. She's a terrible person. We can't stand each other. At every wedding, we end up... we end up having sex.
[flashbacks to previous weddings]
Schmidt : I mean, look, the sex is amazing. She's coming over.
Nick Miller : [leading Jess away] Hey, there are those people that we know.
Jess Day : Oh, what people?
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Jess Day : Your head is shaped like a yam.
Nick Miller : Yeah, I know. I can't wear soft hats.
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Jess Day : Come on in, honey. The water's fine.
Nick Miller : Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess Day : Oh, but you didn't know that I did this.
[pantomiming pulling a rope]
Jess Day : I'm mime-walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.
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Nick Miller : That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen, Jess.
Schmidt : I'm really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I want to be thinking "Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?"
Jess Day : [adopting a Cockney accent] Probably the slut butler, right?
