- Peter Griffin: Hey, check out Brian with the blind chick. Hey, don't worry, Brian, you're still doing better than Quagmire. He got a hooker.
- Joe Swanson: [Quagmire is talking to a woman with a hook for a hand] Ha!
- Glenn Quagmire: No, no, but she is a prostitute.
- Angela: Griffin, say hello to Opie's replacement, Stella.
- Stella: [signing] Nice to meet you.
- Peter Griffin: W-W-What is this? We doing a new secret handshake now?
- Angela: No, Griffin, she's deaf.
- Peter Griffin: Oh. Can she read lips?
- Stella: Yes, I can.
- Peter Griffin: [covering his mouth] So, if I do this, I can talk about what a sweet rack she has?
- Angela: Yes, but try not to make a boob-honking gesture with your other hand while you're saying it.
- Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Peter, you ready to go to the Clam?
- [seeing Stella]
- Glenn Quagmire: Whoa, who's the hot chick?
- Peter Griffin: Oh, that's Stella. You don't have to whisper; she's deaf.
- Glenn Quagmire: Really? Oh, my god, that's hot.
- Peter Griffin: I didn't know you had a thing for deaf chicks.
- Glenn Quagmire: Any kind of disabled chick, Peter. They can do things to you that regular chicks don't even think of. Besides, you know me. I'm into a lot of different stuff.
- [cutaway to a turtle poking its head out of its shell; as it hides again, Quagmire does the same]
- Glenn Quagmire: What, did you hear something?
- Turtle: No, it's all good.
- Brian Griffin: Stewie, what are you doing?
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, just doing a little tai chi. You know how the Asians look 30 until they're 60? This is why. Of course, then they suddenly look 100, but cross that bridge, you know?
- Brian Griffin: Is this a Japanese thing?
- Stewie Griffin: No, Chinese. The Japanese have a whole other thing going on.
- Lois Griffin: [seeing Stewie crying] Oh, my God, Stewie, what is it?
- Brian Griffin: Oh, he's just got a splinter.
- Lois Griffin: Oh, my poor baby. It's 'cause these old stairs are just falling apart.
- Brian Griffin: It's not just the stairs. Meg has spent two days pinned under a roof beam.
- Lois Griffin: Let's just focus on the stairs, Brian.
- Stella: I'm used to people being a little uncomfortable with me at first. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
- Peter Griffin: Yeah, actually, I do. Are your other senses better on account of you can't hear? Like, can you smell my farts before they even come out? 'Cause I got one in the pocket right now, and I want to know if I need to feel self-conscious about it.
- Stella: I can't smell it, no. I might be able to see it, though. A lot of people make small movements when they fart. They twitch their eye or something.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, like subtle giveaways, huh? All right, well, t-tell me if you can see it when it happens.
- Stella: [he farts with a comically exaggerated movement] You just farted.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, you saw that? You can see all my tiny, subtle movements?
- Stella: [he farts again with the same exaggerated movement] You just did it again.
- Peter Griffin: Well, this is gonna be a delight! I don't know why Lois always said she had problems with female coworkers.
- Joe Swanson: [at the Drunken Clam] Quagmire, what is all this?
- Glenn Quagmire: Peter's new co-worker gave me an idea. Welcome to Disabled Ladies' Night.
- Peter Griffin: Peter, hurry up! You're missing dinner.
- Peter Griffin: [bleeped cursing as he falls down the stairs] Lois, what the hell?
- Lois Griffin: Oh, my god, Peter, are you okay?
- Peter Griffin: What the hell happened to the stairs? They're all slippery now!
- Lois Griffin: I had them replaced, remember? The old ones were so rough and Stewie got that splinter, so I thought replacing the wood was the best way to go.
- Peter Griffin: When'd you do that?
- Lois Griffin: The other day, when you spent all that time at the drugstore.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah. Couldn't figure out if that Hispanic lady worked there or not.
- [cutaway to the store]
- Peter Griffin: Um... excuse me. Excuse me. Boy, I wonder where the shampoos are around here.
- [louder to get her attention]
- Peter Griffin: I said, "I wonder where the shampoos are aroud here."
- [she finally notices him]
- Peter Griffin: Oh, for God's sake, I almost thought you were a regular person. Where's the shampoo?
- Brian Griffin: You know, Chris, a little friendly advice. Uh, you're gonna start dating soon; probably good to get into the habit of chewing with your mouth closed. Doesn't bother me, I'm just... you know, one friend to another.
- Chris Griffin: Oh, what, you got a problem with me? You think I'm gross?
- [he spits his food into his hand and holds it out]
- Brian Griffin: Don't do that. Don't do that.
- [he starts eating it]
- Chris Griffin: Yeah, this is what you are, and this is what I am.
- Peter Griffin: Morning, Opie. Hey, what's going on? You going somewhere?
- [Opie babbles incoherently]
- Peter Griffin: You got fired? Why?
- [Opie babbles again]
- Peter Griffin: Oh, well, it's no wonder they finally caught you doing that in here. I mean, the underside of your desk looks like Carlsbad Caverns.