American Dad! (TV Series)

Dr. Klaustus (2012)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien

Photos 

Quotes 

• Francine Smith : [about Steve]  That four-eyed bastard. That malnourished pasty geek. I knew I should have aborted him.

  Stan Smith : Goodness.

• Francine Smith : [to Roger]  What a cute beret.

  Roger : Cute? Puppies are cute! Reese Witherspoon before children was cute.

• Roger : Listen up, maggots! You people have major issues. You can't run from them all your lives. You need to face your problems!

  Stan Smith : But...

  Roger : [to Stan]  You, sack up and eat your wife's grub!

  [to Francine] 

  Roger : And you missy, you take your emergency fund and sign up for a cooking class!

  [to Steve] 

  Roger : And you, bring your girlfriend to dinner! Be grateful you have two parents who love you! And that you don't come from a broken home like Reese Witherspoon's kids. Damn, I love that girl! Plucky!

  [to Hayley] 

  Roger : And you, gussy up for your husband! Maybe some sort of bra? And wash your hair. Hippies are not sexy. They're dirty!

  Jeff Fischer : Exactly!

  Roger : [to Jeff]  And you, if you're tossing it to your mother-in-law, it damn well better be a Frisbee!

  Jeff Fischer : Sir, yes, sir!

  [everyone starts to leave] 

  Roger : Hey, no one is dismissed! Not until you thank this fish! These are all his ideas! I'm just an authoritative mouthpiece!

• Francine Smith : It must be fun to play an Army guy.

  Roger : Play? Puppies play! Reese Witherspoon plays to her strengths when she takes on middle-of-the-road romantic comedies like "Sweet Home Alabama."

• Roger : [to Steve]  How many times have you been playing with yourself a day?

  Steve Smith : Three.

  Roger : We're going to up that to five.

  [writes on a clipboard] 

  Roger : You can take this prescription to any room in the house with Kleenex and have it filled.

  Steve Smith : Thanks, Doc.

• Roger : [after punching Klaus]  Punch a fish, make a wish.

• Roger : Ow! I stepped on that glass! I stepped on that mother-loving glass! You're all sued when I get back!

• Roger : That's why I'm the perfect soldier and the perfect guy to watch movies with. I don't poke holes. I just enjoy the ride.