Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (TV Series)
It's Just Sex... (2012)
Krysten Ritter: Chloe
Photos
Quotes
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June Colburn : [caught in an intimate moment in the bathtub] No, I wasn't!
Chloe : This must be how moms feel on the first day of kindergarten. Stand up, give me a hug!
[June shakes her head vehemently in denial]
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Chloe : [offering her a snack, but not letting her forget she found her in a compromising situation] Corn dog, horn dog?
June Colburn : I don't know why you're here. I thought you were leaving town.
Chloe : The plane left without me, and I was even on time, they said to be there at eleven, and I got there eleven-thirty.
[teasing, about what happened in bathroom:]
Chloe : My little girl, learning to play the lady harp.
June Colburn : [breezes past] Ugh.
Chloe : So, who was it, who were you strumming to?
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Chloe : See these? Tears of joy. I haven't cried since I was ten and my Mom wouldn't take me to see Pulp Fiction.
June Colburn : [cellphone alert] Oh. Oh, it's Charles.
Chloe : Who?
June Colburn : Oh. "Come over now, I need you."
[swaying her body]
June Colburn : Aw, yeah, booty time!
Chloe : Get out of here, you little slut! I love you! I got you something.
[little clear plastic pouch]
Chloe : It's a casual sex kit. There is makeup remover, cab fare, energy bar, instant coffee, tweezers, tampon, pepper spray, a short article, and pictures of me, for the casual sexer.
June Colburn : [elated] I'm a casual sexer!
[exclamation of joy]
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Charles : [heard June is planning to break up] Honey, is this true?
June Colburn : No, it's just...
Chloe : Oh, really, honey? Because I record all conversations for legal and personal reasons that have nothing to do with my relationship with the French President Nicolas Sarkozy who's not the man I'm dating who has a plane.
[switches on cellphone voicemail, urgent French voice, clearly the French President, "It's Kozy, Chloe!]
Chloe : Sorry, wrong proposition.
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June Colburn : I can't do this whole casual sex thing. I tried to. But I get too attached. I can't be like you. My lady harp has feelings!
Chloe : Why do you have to make things so complicated when it could be just sex?
June Colburn : Because sex is complicated. You've never had feelings for somebody you slept with?
Chloe : Slept with? Honey, if you're falling asleep he's obviously doing something wrong!
June Colburn : [exasperated] Gawwd!
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Chloe : I love St. Patrick's Day. You get to puke on the street, and other people applaud you for it!
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June Colburn : [lying next to her sleeping crush, thinking:] I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, and I think I did it pretty good, if I do say so myself.
[giggles]
June Colburn : You're not complaining, are you, sweet stuff?
[giggles]
Chloe : [Chloe's voice in her head] June, now remember, don't stay over.
June Colburn : [frees herself from his arm on top of her, but feels guilty about leaving him, her voice in her head:] I'll leave him a note.
Chloe : [strict voice] Put down the pen and leave!
June Colburn : [grabs him by the finger, shaking it] Thank you very much.
[soft giggle, tiptoes off]
the parrot : Awrk! Hello Judy!
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June Colburn : [on the subject of sex and dating] Yeah. It's just... it's been so long, and I've only ever did it with Steve, and what if they do it different in New York, and what if I'm bad at it?
Chloe : [thoughtfully] I hear what you're saying. You wanna see my sex tape?
June Colburn : Uh, what?
Chloe : Oh, James and I made it like five years ago when we dated briefly. I'm surprised that it's taken me this long to show it to you. I usually whip it out at parties.
[bright beaming smile]
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James Van Der Beek : [critically studying his lip-smacking performance on sex disk] What is that?
Chloe : [as June rushes off] Where are you going?
June Colburn : I'm gonna go change for my date.
Chloe : This is not a date. No special effort. Wear exactly what you wore today.
June Colburn : Well, at least let me go get my purse.
Chloe : [stressing her words individually] You got the only purse you need.
[pointing with both hands at her own nether region]
James Van Der Beek : [still muttering to himself] My pants were on the floor, I didn't have access to my chapstick.
Chloe : [to June] Remember, keep it casual and act disinterested. See what I'm doing right there?
[points face at TV]
Chloe : Do that.
June Colburn : Are you sure you're okay with that coming out?
Chloe : It's just sex, June. It's no big deal. Now remember, go out for a nightcap, don't stay over. If he asks for your phone number, give him... This.
[piece of paper]
Chloe : It's Kelly Osbourne's, and it's never not funny.
James Van Der Beek : [still criticizing] It's not what I should be using my tongue for.
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Chloe : You don't play Birmingham twice.
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June Colburn : You had sex in my bed?
Chloe : Yes, June, and so can you. I'll teach you! Now I'll be known for two things: introducing you to casual sex and writing the final episode of The Sopranos.
