2 Broke Girls (TV Series)

And the Rich People Problems (2011)

Kat Dennings: Max Black

Photos 

Quotes 

• Max Black : You can't give hipsters a microphone. That's like throwing gasoline on a pretentious fire.

• Han Lee : Hipsters like karaoke.

  Max Black : Replace the work 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you have the 3 worst things in history.

• Max Black : And the technical term for you is "overly-dramatic". Yesterday you freaked out because we were out of toilet paper. Just hold it 'til you get to work like everybody else.

  Han Lee : Now maybe I sing while others wait.

  Max Black : Uh-oh. We got real problems now.

  Han Lee : I choose Susan Boyle popular song from all clips on internet. It's called I Dream...

  [Max unplugs microphone while Han is talking] 

  Max Black : Keep dreaming.

• Max Black : [while taking a bath in Caroline's jacuzzi tub]  I think me and your tub are going steady.

  Caroline Channing : Oh you found the jacuzzi button.

  Max Black : I don't know who found who but we're together now. I'm totally stealing some of these ridonkulous bath soaps.

  [Picks up a bar of soap carved to look like a green seashell] 

  Max Black : This one's shaped like a vagina.

  Caroline Channing : It's a seashell.

  Max Black : Sister, this is a mint green vagina.

• Caroline Channing : When I was 15, I paid the security system guys extra to not wire the skylight, and then I snuck out and went to Illiano Schapiro's sweet sixteen.

  Max Black : Cute.

  Caroline Channing : In Greece.

  Max Black : Hardcore. I used to sneak out of the house an huff spray paint with an ex-marine.

• Max Black : Wait, what about the clothes?

  Caroline Channing : Oh, what am I gonna do? Walk around Williamsburg in a $3,000 gown? Oh my god... wait a minute. Grab everything with a price tag on it that we can re-sell, or that you think I'd look amazing in.

  [Max runs straight to the furs and grabs one off the rack setting off the alarm] 

  Caroline Channing : Not the furs they're wired!

  Max Black : Why would you wire the furs?

  Caroline Channing : Everybody wires the furs bitch!

• Caroline Channing : [Sitting next to Max on the subway wearing all the clothes they stole layered one on top of the other]  This was my fave purse to take dancing.

  Max Black : How'd you keep it up on your shoulder when you went all mad Krump?

  Caroline Channing : [Looking through the purse]  Look!

  [while holding up a handful of money and shouting] 

  Caroline Channing : Two hundred dollars!

  Max Black : Is not enough we're sitting on the subway in furs, you gotta make it rain?

• Earl : Max, what is the one thing worse than karaoke?

  Max Black : Oh no.

  Earl : That's right, open-mic night.

• Max Black : [Gesturing at the men working in the corner]  Han, those guys better be up there because we're officially putting ass crack on the menu.

• Max Black : Calm your bells down Oleg, not my station's. Where's Caroline?

  Oleg : Would it make you jealous if I said she was back here with me?

  Max Black : Jealous? No. Pissed? Probably, 'cause we're busy and it'd take me all that time to get the duct tape off her mouth and hands.

• Max Black : You just made it in to Oleg's "spank bank".

  Oleg : Congratulations.

• Max Black : For someone whose jaw is about to unhinge you sure are flapping it a lot.

• Max Black : Sushi's lazy. If I come to your restaurant get up off your ass and cook the fish.

• Caroline Channing : [after spitting out the sushi her and Max ate because it was bad]  Ugh, what a disappointment. You're first time.

  Max Black : Well that's kinda the way it goes with me and first times.

  Caroline Channing : [while handing Max a napkin]  Here, clean yourself off.

  Max Black : [Starts laughing really hard]  That's exactly the way it goes!

• Caroline Channing : Ok, there's bulletproof glass... with a bullet in it.

  Max Black : Alright so the glass works...

  Caroline Channing : [Points at the sign in sheet]  It says to sign in.

  Max Black : Look, why don't you just take some of our cupcake business savings and go to a good dentist's office? You know, one where you won't get a Staph infection just by looking at the floor.

• Caroline Channing : I just need a bite guard.

  Guy Behind the Glass : Oh! I can do that. That's where they squirt foam in your mouth... and make a mold. Come in the back.

  Max Black : If you go back there with him, you'll need a bite guard and a rape guard.

  Guy Behind the Glass : You want the gas?

  Caroline Channing : Is that necessary?

  Guy Behind the Glass : You're gonna want the gas sweetheart...

  [Max and Caroline run out of the office] 

• Max Black : Why are the floors so bouncy?

  Caroline Channing : It's called carpet.

  Max Black : [after seeing Caroline's old closet for the first time]  What! No way! No Way! Is this Narnia? I'm about to say something I swore I'd never say. OMG! Again OMG! It's lame but nothing else really nails it! This is the room that OMG was born for.

  Caroline Channing : Max it's just my closet.

  Max Black : Your clothes have a house! Look! Look!

  [Gasps] 

  Max Black : You are rich! Like I know you said you were rich, but you are RICH!

• Max Black : Oh my god, you have a shoe rotisserie.

  Caroline Channing : I designed it, I call it my ferris-heels.

  Max Black : I'd judge you if that wasn't exactly what I'd call it if I had one

• Max Black : [after a montage of her and Caroline dancing to a song they both said they loved]  See, I knew what we had in common wouldn't last. Were you Krumping for a second?

  Caroline Channing : Maybe. Were you Tootsie Rolling for a second?

  Max Black : Yes...

• Caroline Channing : Bad news, they heightened security because we tripped the alarm. The entire townhouse is locked down, we can never go back.

  Max Black : My tub! Why does anything that gives me pleasure wind up behind bars?

  Caroline Channing : Forget about the tub, everything was inventoried. We can't sell the furs, I should've thought of that.

  Max Black : Yeah you should've.

  [Yelling in a funny/mocking voice] 

  Max Black : 'Cause you know they always inventory the furs, bitch!

• Max Black : Oh my God! This bathroom is huge!

  Caroline Channing : [Brushing it off]  It's just a bathroom.

  Max Black : This is *not* just a bathroom! This is, like, the Louvre of pooping!