User Reviews

I love Machete. The character is incredible, the premise is perfect, literally everything about it just screams B-movie stupidity, and it's insanely awesome. I actually saw this movie before the first Machete so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I laughed until it hurt. Seriously, it was everything I wanted in a silly action movie. Machete Kills is somehow even more ridiculous than the first one, this time with president Charlie Sheen ordering Machete to go after a lunatic nuclear arms dealer played to perfection by Demian Bichir, and Mel Gibson wants to destroy the world and colonize space. Yeah, and you thought De Niro playing George Bush was crazy. Mel Gibson is basically a Bond villain in this movie.

This is another revenge story, except this time it's Machete's love interest Jessica Alba who is killed in front of him. Needless to say when President Sheen asks him to go on this suicide mission, Machete isn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Then again, it's f*cking Danny Trejo, so he's awesome at it anyway. The first half of the movie focuses more on Machete going after this crazy arms dealer, with random villains like Sofia Vergara with machine gun tits coming after him. There's also the shapeshifter El Cameleon played by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas. Literally the best plot device to get as many famous people in a movie as possible. Then Mel kicks in during the second half of the movie and that's where it goes full-on ridiculous mode (in the best way, as if it wasn't ridiculous enough before).

After seeing Machete and Machete Kills back to back, I realize the only thing that makes Machete Kills slightly weaker is that the laughs aren't as consistent. Machete had me on the floor 90 percent of the time. Machete Kills is more like, 70 percent hilarity and 30 percent of jokes that either don't hit or are just repeated to the point of desensitization. Still, when the jokes hit, they are laugh-out-loud funny. There are gags in this movie that make the original Machete look like a documentary. Oh, and Amber Heard is the special agent helping Machete this time, and she tries to do an accent every once in a while and fails miserably, but who cares because she's sex on a stick. That's basically the trend in these movies. You try to analyze something and then think to yourself, "Who cares?" It's so damn entertaining you don't have to think at all. Just lay back and enjoy the gratuitous violence, T&A, and everything else you'd want in a ridiculous action-packed B-movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sequel.

Despite the terrible plot and unsatisfying sequel bait ending, Machete Kills is still good fun that manages to be even more ridiculous and over the top than it's predecessor. Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez are once again great and Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson both give gleefully over the top performances. Robert Rodriguez's direction is good, it's well filmed and reasonably well paced. The music by Carl Thiel and Robert Rodriguez is also good.

I wonder what drugs Rodriguez was on when he wrote this movie but he must have been under the influence of something since it is even more weird and insanely violent than his usual concoctions. What is worse it that it really is somewhat incoherent, like ideas for scenes was just strung together with no real concern for the overall picture.

I did like the movie as a two-hour distraction from reality and I had quite a few laughs at the ludicrously violent scenes. Unfortunately some of them made me squirm in my seat because the where not really funny-violent but just silly-violent.

Charlie Sheen as a president was a real really poor choice of actor. Mel Gibson as Voz was better and I have to confess that I do like Michelle Rodriguez. Lady Gaga? Well, "bof" as the French say.

Machete himself, which to me was one of the main reasons for watching the movie, was also a bit of a disappointment. He walked through the movie like he was just bored being on the set. There was never any real spark.

At the end of the movie I have to say that I felt a little disappointed. As I wrote, I did like it but it never reached the levels of enjoyment that I hoped for.

The humor is subtle and much of it is too subtle for the average viewer as I see from the posts below. If one views it as a "Kill Bill" kind of silliness that looks at the Mexican/Us border, then one may enjoy it.

The movie is not self-indulgent, rather it takes common stereotypes and puts them into funny situations. It has dark humor at times and makes no apologies for making fun of everything. It takes on many issues in a light-hearted way, but for some reason, it is not listed as a comedy. It, however, is a comedy.

The hero is a clever native American which is it's twist. The movie's plot is not predictable and it is filled with guns and shoot ups. It is a modern comedy that pokes fun at US politics and all its insincerity.

Watch it. Do not take it seriously as an action flick and allow it to be the comedy that it is.

During an operation of a Mexican Cartel, Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) and Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba) intercept the criminals alone, but another group arrives and a masked man kills Sartana. Machete is arrested, accused of killing his beloved Sartana and Sheriff Doakes (William Sadler) hangs Machete. But the President of the USA Rathcock (Carlos "Charlie Sheen" Estevez) pardons and recruits Machete to kill the revolutionary Marcos Mendez (Demian Bichir) that has threatened the USA with a missile with a bomb.

Machete goes to San Antonio to meet the Miss San Antonio Blanca Vasquez (Amber Heard) that will be the liaison between Machete and President Rathcock. Then Machete goes to the brothel of Madame Desdemona (Sofía Vergara) to seek out the prostitute Cereza (Vanessa Hudgens) that is Mendez's mistress. Machete meets Mendez and learns that his heart is connected to the missile and only the arm dealer Luther Voz (Mel Gibson) is capable to disarm the bomb. Now Machete needs to bring Mendez to the USA in less than twenty-four hours and save his new country in a dangerous journey with betrayals.

"Machete Kills" is a funny and full of action cartoonish B-movie by Robert Rodriguez with exploitation and references to the pop-culture and potential of cult-movie. It is intentionally cheesy and tacky despite the great cast and the cameos. The beginning is a joke with the trailer of "Machete Kills Again... In Space" that does not exist. My vote is seven.

Title (Brazil): Not Available

1. "Poor acting, poor dialogue, even worse actors. I didn't see the first one and will not see this one either." - DUH. This is what happens when one segment of society is bound and determined to shrink government so small that it can be drowned in a bathtub; things tend to get a bit, shall we say, dumbed-down.

2. "People who actually pay money to see these films are as brain-dead as the writer, director and producers of these films." - This, written about people who make a great living producing movies... written by someone who, based on the text of his review, probably has yet to achieve one accomplishment of note that even remotely compares to the production of just one movie.

3. "These remind me of the old Blacksploitation films in the 70s, only they are considerable lower budget and lower class." - Again, DUH. Uh, that was kind of the point, John Baggs. These movies are an HOMAGE (do the google) to 70s grindhouse and blacksploitation movies. The excessive scratching on the film stock? Intentional, to give the movie the "feel" of a 70s grindhouse/exploitation film. There are many other things in the movie that directly pay homage to the 70s films, and you can find these elements in many Rodriguez and Tarantino films. Since it reminded you of a 70s blacksploitation movie, I would say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED", and not "lower budget, lower class", etcetera.

4. "Honestly I can't think of a single good thing to say about it." - Since you didn't see EITHER of the Machete movies, yet insisted on commenting about them, I am not surprised that you are unable to say anything good about them. Generally, to develop an opinion (that matters), one must EXPERIENCE the subject at hand. I guess your parents didn't teach you that, "if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". If they had, perhaps you would not have commented and could be given the benefit of the doubt that you might be intelligent.

5. "Meth-Head Charlie, Crack-Head Danny, and Brainless Jessica. What a team. The three of the together couldn't make one good brain between them as evident of their acceptance to participate in this film, but then I guess when you are broke (or drugged out like Charlie, you'll do anything for money. " - Let's do the math, shall we? Charlie, Danny, Jessica.... many movie credits, many accomplishments in life, respectable bank accounts. John Baggs? Produces rambling, semi-literate "reviews" of movies that he has never seen, so that he can attack people who have actually succeeded in life. Sorry John, but the math doesn't add up in your favor.

In summary, Machete Kills is exactly what it is advertised to be. It is an homage to 70s grindhouse and exploitation films. Why attempt apple v. orange comparisons between an intentional B movie, and Oscar-caliber films (that John Baggs probably hasn't seen either)? Why not just get some popcorn and enjoy it? (That means actually SEEING it, John)

Let me start off by saying love love love the first Machete. I can watch it anytime... This one, not so much. Robert Rodriquez swung for the fences with this one and it missed. Some people will never ever say anything bad about the guy and some will genuinely like it, but to be honest.. it just didn't have that X factor the first Machete did. This time around Machete is more like a super hero. He is sent on a mission to Mexico by the President (excellent choice of casting Charlie Sheen, using his birth name of Carlos Esteves). But other than that, (and of course Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriquez), the rest of the cast just didn't fit. The schizo Mexican revolutionary didn't fit, Cuba was completely out of place, wasn't really feeling Lady Gaga or Amber Heard (even though she is gorgeous) and the gorgeous Sophia Vegara was just a little too manic. But it really wasn't that.. the film just was kind of flat, even the action scenes weren't clicking. Maybe because they gave away too much in the previews. Maybe its because they made Machete inhuman.. All I know is that when I was in the theater, 3 people around me fell asleep and 4 people walked out a hour after the film started... AND it wasn't that many people in the theater. Gosh I wanted it to be so much better.. This is a rental, at best

First came "Grindhouse" (2007), a critically acclaimed but commercially unsuccessful ode to exploitation films of the 1970's & 1980's. Then came "Machete" (2010), an unapologetically violent spin off adapted by popular demand from one of the fake trailers that accompanied "Grindhouse".

Unlike "Grindhouse", "Machete" was a commercial success, making 2 1/2 times its money back in domestic grosses alone. Inevitably, there would be a sequel. Because of how much I enjoyed "Machete", I was looking forward to "Machete Kills" (2013).

Unfortunately, while the movie's predecessors were aware that they were both parodying and paying tribute to low budget schlock flicks, "Machete Kills" somehow forgets that fact. The over-the-top violence and sex is still there, but something still did not feel right as I was watching this film.

The movie starts out right as you get an allegedly fake trailer for "Machete Kills Again . . . In Space". In this "preview" (which may or may not actually get made in the near future), the film is grainy, scientifically unrealistic, and primarily fun to watch.

Then the movie begins, and the film is as clear as crystal, the first indication that the director, Robert Rodriguez, somehow forgot what he was parodying. Based on the casting of supporting characters, Rodriguez may have also intended "Machete Kills" more as a second chance for once-prominent actors with now-notorious reputations than a tongue-in-cheek tribute to his love for fun, low-budget cinema.

The original "Machete" was no masterpiece, but it was enjoyable to watch because Danny Trejo played an appealing bad-ass, and the narrative was solid. In "Machete Kills", Danny Trejo somehow doesn't seem to be into the character he made his own, keeping the same inexpressive face throughout as if he is already bored with playing the character.

The story in this movie is also too simplified and hackneyed to accommodate as many supporting characters as it does. There's a terrorist who is about to launch a nuclear missile from Mexico to Washington, D.C., and is one of those villains who doesn't know what he wants to do with the world once he takes it over.

While Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, and others from the original movie make welcome returns to this sequel, so many characters are added to this story that their presence actually makes the story more confusing. There's a Miss Texas beauty pageant contestant (Amber Heard) who serves as both a femme fatale and almost an Agent Q to Machete, a brothel owner (Sofia Vergara) with an uninspired bra gun which has been done in countless movies and TV shows before, and a lone assassin who assumes many identities (including Lady Gaga) who wants to kill Machete for reasons the film doesn't seem to explain.

If you're going to accommodate that many characters, write a story where every character has more of a useful goal than "Kill the hero", or even "Make a clever cameo". While I thought it was clever to have Charlie Sheen be credited as Carlos Estevez (his birth name) in the beginning sequence, he served no purpose playing the President of the United States.

It's as if the screenwriters just said, "Hey, you know what would be funny? Let's have a formerly legitimate actor whose life is a train wreck play the President!" Sure, Sheen smokes, womanizes, and swears in his role, but those actions alone don't elicit more than a chuckle.

On the other hand, I bought into Mel Gibson playing Voz, the villainous operator of a weapons manufacturer who made the nuclear missile. Does Gibson's presence here show how fall the former A-lister has fallen? Maybe, but he still sold every line he spoke, and still showed his good acting days are not behind him.

As for the gratuitous violence, I was hoping for more irony in what I was watching. Machete doesn't seem to have more creative ways to use a large knife beside slashing it from right to left. Plus, any creative ways a nemesis dies seems to be ripped right from "The Itchy & Scratchy Show" cartoon on "The Simpsons".

If Robert Rodriguez decides to go ahead and make "Machete Kills Again . . . In Space", he needs to make sure there's enough room in the story for any celebrities whose careers he wants to revitalize. Plus, he needs to embrace the graininess of fun B-movies, and remember that even schlock fails without a coherent story.

Probably foremost, he also needs to make sure Danny Trejo actually wants to reprise his role, because you got no indication of that desire here. Or, even better, give Michelle Rodriguez her own spin off as Luz, the Mexican revolutionary. Unlike Trejo, she actually seemed like she wanted to be there.

Well, I was expecting something on the line of the first movie. Nope. If that is what you want, don't go. Even with the big-name cast, there isn't anything here to redeem it for lovers of a a good (or even average)dramatic movie. However, if you want a great comedy.....

What this movie is, and what some reviewers don't seem to get, is a complete spoof. This is a deliberately over-the-top attempt at creating a classic B-movie. Or if you've ever watched Hispanic TV, with all the poor over-acting and outrageous situations...that's what this is. This is not geared to someone who wants a great movie, but to someone who simply wants to laugh at poor film-making.

It is an extremely violent and graphic movie, but you don't really notice or care, because of how funny the poor acting is. And how so many people with automatic weapons, can miss so many targets standing in the open only feet away....well, that's what this kind of movie is all about.

Personally, I'm sorry I wasted the money on a ticket. But when it comes out on DVD, and you want a mindless night of poor B-movies, this might fit the bill.

I am a fan of the first one, I am a fan of Grindhouse and I love over the top movies. Going in to this I knew that it was going to be bloody, cheesy and awesome. It surprised me that this did not do as well as the first one or even close to it. The original was a tad more serious and had some really badass parts while this one was just non stop cheesy and Grindhouse-y.

If you saw the first one, you pretty much know what to expect and what the basic concept is. Just times that times ten and you have Machete Kills. It is just a movie where you sit and don't think about it. Let it all happen and enjoy it. That is, of course, you like action movies where the hero chops every bad guy up and Sofia Vergara with her bra machine gun.

"Machete Kills" is every bit as cool, action-packed, fun and entertaining as the 2010 "Machete" movie. If you enjoyed the first movie, then you will most definitely enjoy the sequel.

The action is so outrageous and hilarious at the same time, and it is really well pulled off. Director Robert Rodriguez most definitely has tapped into something great here.

The story is fairly similar to the story in the first movie, but yet it differs so much. Machete is hired by the president of the United States of America to take out a person in Mexico who poses a real and imminent threat to Washington.

The amount of talent that appears in the movie is just amazing, as it was in the 2010 movie. There are really a lot of great names in major and minor roles here. And that does help to add to the overall enjoyment of "Machete Kills". Personally, I am not overly sure about the choice of Lady Gaga in that particular role - but hey, it is all a matter of personal preference.

And the trailer for "Machete Kills Again - In Space", that is just brilliant. Such a great way to keep the audience hooked and waiting for the third movie. It does look campy and cheesy, yes, but we all know that we are going to be watching it.

Great characters, great dialogue, great action, great movie.

Machete Kills, more insane, than it's predecessor is like a roller-coaster ride of shocks and surprises, with little time to catch your breath. A great cast line of old and new faces, the best performance, that of Gibson as Luther Vox, who has diabolical plans for the future of U.S. citizens, by launching a rocket into space, eradicating everyone, so a new evil race can take over. Hit-man for hire, Trejo, has one good reason to take down Vox, as seen at the start with Alba's itty bitty part, Gibson, her shooter, obvious like a wart on a nose. The over the top violence, comical not shocking like the decapitation of heads, arms, ligaments, what have you. Wait to you see what Gibson's formula does, reducing people to jelly, where if trouble gets in his way, as he has a few hundred clones on stand by. He plays evil great and has a ball doing it. He also has a few nasty weapons of death, one a big sharp slicer, shaped like the Batman and Robin logo, you wouldn't want to be under. This Machete is open ended, so the third installment should be coming in the not too distant future. Imagining a movie more insane and wild than this is frightening. Just take this movie for what is, a wild, exciting, escapist ride, with ludicrous moments, more so near the end.

A bit of background first: I didn't enjoy Grindhouse, but loved its Machete trailer and hoped for the movie to be made. Luckily, I wasn't the only one, and the movie came out. I enjoyed it, but only mildly, which was disappointing. Also, I am biased when it comes to Danny Trejo. I give a shot to whatever he is in. I just enjoy the man, although he has always been better in a supporting cast than as a lead. Still, I don't give rating stars easily, and certainly won't praise a movie just for casting someone I like.

Now with Machete Kills. Well, it's better than its predecessor. Not perfect (yet?), not quite what it aspires to be, but much closer. It is very difficult to make chaos evenly entertaining for two hours; that may explain why I felt like some scenes didn't hit their mark. Which don't really matter because after the end credits, I was still laughing my tears off.

I'll start with the end, and a bit more background: I boycotted Mr Tarentino for years after Kill Bill, for which I paid to see Michael Madsen, only to see an ugly blonde skeleton dressed like HK's legendariest hero in an unfinished story. Had I met Mr T. shortly afterwards (the Quentin one, not that big strong guy from the A-Team), I would have harmlessly kicked his sitting organ to express my disapproving of being conned.

Machete Kills ends on a cliffhanger. An excellent one, clever, hilarious. And it doesn't even matter if the space sequel is made or not, because it stands on its own as a perfect ending.

You see, you won't watch Machete Kills for its suspenseful plot, because anything can happen. No laws of physics, biology or men apply here, only the laws of cinema and comics, in particular superhero comics. One of the classics, ignored in most superhero films, is put to good use here: Death is anything but permanent. Hey, after a while, I even expected Cheech Marin to make a come-back.

Machete Kills is a very good parody. It's an homage, not a mockery. To me, it parodies mostly James Bond from the Roger Moore's era, in which each stunt was more incredible and unbelievable than the previous one. It cleverly parallels Star Wars as well. Borrows from the director's own movies don't work so well, such as the crotch-gun from Tom Savini's character Sex Machine in From Disk Till Dawn. I obviously missed a lot of references and jokes, and you'll get more if, unlike me, you are Mexican or from the USA.

The casting is excellent, except for the Lady Gaga girl but her fan base will hopefully be good for business. Mr Trejo's average oratory skills are covered by having the villains do most of the talking, while Machete sometimes grunts the shortest and cheesiest one-liners at the 3rd person. And it works great.

I'm getting too long. I won't develop on the flaws. Machete Kills is chaotic, completely mad, very funny and has many tremendously entertaining moments.

Wow...that sucked! Quite disappointed, as I was expecting something along the lines of the first Machete, but instead had to sit through this boring compilation of killings and poor acting.

Don't get me wrong, I love these type of movies and I really enjoyed the first Machete! However when it comes to the sequel...it was really bad, there's no way around it. One would think a movie that puts in so many recognizable faces would be more entertaining to watch than a crawling snail. The dialogues were arduous to listen to and even more so to wait for them to finish, jokes were really flat that couldn't even put a smirk on my face and the whole story was utterly slow and predictable.

I sincerely urge you not to waste your time on this.

Director Robert Rodriguez brings back Machete (Danny Trejo) in this grindhouse sequel. This time the US President (Charlie Sheen) has asked Machete to kill a Mexican crime lord who wants to launch a nuke at Washington. Only Voz (Mel Gibson) is the actual brains and has an even crazier plan.

I do love the opening coming attraction. It has the most joy and comedy. The feature is silly, but not silly enough to make me laugh. It's never funny in the traditional sense. Danny Trejo is too serious, and mean looking. He's just not a comedian. And the shock of the B-movie schlock is gone now. The originality of seeing something different isn't there anymore.

Every once in awhile, Rodriguez comes upon a funny setup like blowing up the wheelchair guy with a rocket. And there is nothing wrong with a girl fight between Michelle Rodriguez and Amber Heard. Although I think Charlie Sheen could be even crazier, Mel Gibson is too crazy. It's a movie where I could watch the opening multiple times, but once is enough for the rest.

In 2010 Machete finally came to the big screen and in 2013 Machete gets a sequel that is overall better than the first film.

The storyline in this film feels better than the first Machete and works better because of all the great acting in it. Sure Danny Trejo is not a great actor but costars like Mel Gibson, Amber Heard, Carlos Estevez, Antonio Banderas, and Cuba Gooding Jr. really make this movie an improvement over the last movie. The movie drags in spots and brings the film down that and this is almost basically the same movie as Machete but with a better cast and slightly better story.

Director Robert Rodriguez is back in this film and better than ever. The action and violence is completely over the top just the way I like it. Sure you could say that the violence is over the top but it fits the film so well. Just as it did in the last movie. Stepping up the casting in this film also helped as you can tell. The actors get along much better on screen. Mel Gibson is truly amazing in this film and it is good to see him on the big screen again. The movie feels cheesy in some of the kills as it should. This is suppose to be a grindhouse type of film and Machete Kills fits that mold. Rodriguez handles the film very well and the scenes are shot amazingly for the type of film he set out to make here.

Having enjoyed Machete in 2010 I must say this film is just above the first movie as the acting is so much better with the help of Mel Gibson. While some may not find it worthy of spending ten dollars, if you are a fan of this type of film then it is well worth the charge. With great action and some very good acting you will leave the theater wanting to see this movie again and again.

In Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills, Danny Trejo's character—deadly Mexican secret agent Machete Cortez—is about as three-dimensional and grounded in realism as a Looney Tunes cartoon character tripping on peyote. For many, this move towards a crazier style with even more unbelievable splatstick violence will be a step too far, the live-action-cartoon style antics exceeding many people's willingness to suspend disbelief. However, those who can find their way safely past this potential stumbling block should have a whale of a time.

Rodriguez directs proceedings with a carefree attitude and sense of fun that I found infectious, with all ideas—no matter how dumb they must have looked on paper—making their way into the final film. Thus, we have a Bond-style baddie in the form of megalomaniac Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), our hero killing numerous henchmen in a variety of creative ways, some innovative sci-fi weaponry, plenty of cool in-jokes for us movie geeks (I loved the visual reference to Mad Max II) and a bevy of lovely latino babes in sexy gear (including Alexa Vega in PVC and Michelle Rodriguez in tight, cleavage enhancing top). Hell, Rodriguez is having so much fun that he doesn't even care about the quality of his CGI, which only adds to the gleefully gaudy vibe.

It all gets very silly, and with the next sequel featuring Machete in space, it's set to get a whole lot sillier; I for one will make sure I've booked my seat for the ride.

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for being marginally more fun than the first one.

I saw it with about a third of the movie theater filled, it was the first show on a Saturday morning. You don't go in expecting Gone With The Wind but you know what you're getting. As in the first film, I got the impression the actors were enjoying themselves, in fact Robert Rodriguez, Danny Trejo were on a program and said the actors appearing in the films say they are getting a chance to do something that the studios they usually work for don't let them do. It's over the top, violent, tongue in cheek. Was it as good as Machete? No, I didn't think so, maybe a little too long but it was a fun ride. We'll see if a third will really be made.

The first MACHETE wasn't exactly high art but it was at least enjoyable. It had a backstory at the beginning and some very enjoyable characters such as the senator played by De Niro or the katana-wielding villain played by Seagal. Here however there are as many cameos by various known actors but it's not like the first one unfortunately.

After the events of the first movie Machete (Danny Trejo) is arrested by Sheriff Doakes (William Sadler) who tries to hang him but he doesn't because he receives a call from President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen) that offers to give Machete his American citizenship if he kills Marcos Mendez (Demian Bichir), a psycopath who wants to blow Washington D.C. with a nuke. After meeting with some prostitutes Machete learns about Mendez's backstory and why he got involved with the people constructing the missile. He then gets shot by Doakes and we see him in a healing tank. He then finds Mendez's benefactor... corrupt businessman and Star Wars fan Luther Voz (Mel Gibson). After meeting again with Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) he receives some encouragment by president Rathcock who tells him to do that last mission for him. And then the movie falls into the boring zone.

None of the actors looked like having the time of their lives as in the first one and it looked like they were there for the paycheck. Danny Trejo is probably the only good actor in the movie while Mel Gibson as the villain looked so hammy and unengaging as well. Sheen, Sadler and the others do their best with the material given. A few of the gory scenes played for comical effects were even grosser than those in the predecessor.

Probably one of the worst sequels ever made and I only hope that its sequel MACHETE GOES TO SPACE (as it appears on Danny Trejo's films in production list) is funnier than this boring mess!

There was a scene in the original Machete that featured the title character, played by Danny Trejo, removing the intestines from someone in a hospital and using the lengthy apparatus to swing down to the lower story of the hospital by crashing through the window. Long story short, it had to be seen to be believed (and comprehended) and that kind of consistent, rather fresh humor was what kept the film buoyant. When Machete grabs a hold of a man's intestines and throws them onto the spinning blades of a helicopter, all while the intestines are still attached to the man, the feeling of gross absurdity isn't so much a gory little stint of humor but a rehashed gimmick that brings significantly less pleasure to a viewer.

Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills is a fine sequel, well-shot, directed with respect to exploitation films of decades past, and plays the kind of instruments you'd expect for this kind of genre piece. The issue is that after a collaboration between Rodriguez and Tarantino to bring us a "Grindhouse" style double-feature in 2007, along with a feature-length Machete film spawned from one of the double-feature's fake trailer, the joke has run its course. We know the filmmakers are not serious. We know they want to gimmick seventies style cinema. And we know that the actors get the joke. The big news here is we, the audience, get the joke as well, and Machete Kills functions and conducts itself narcissistically, repeatedly telling the same jokes over and over as if we've never heard them. This is the equivalent to that knock-knock joke that went around the playground circa first or second grade.

Trejo returns as Machete Cortez, a ruthless spy who is summoned by U.S. President Rathcock (Charlie Sheen using his birthname "Carlos Estévez") to stop a mobster named Mendez (Oscar-nominated actor Demián Bichir), who has a large missile pointed at Washington D.C.. While trying to stop Mendez, Machete becomes tangled with arms dealing terrorist Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), who is working out a mission to try and create anarchy and civil unrest in several countries in the world. Armed with a crew of ladies such as Madame Desdemona (Sofia Vergara), La Camaleón (Lady Gaga), and Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), it would be gravely difficult for Machete to lose this battle.

Machete Kills, for starters, makes the same error that almost cost its predecessor its credibility. The film begins with a "prevue" for Machete Kills Again...In Space, starring the likes of Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Leonardo DiCaprio (subject to change), which is presented with convincing film-grain, seventies-era cheapness, and pleasantly scuzzy picture quality. What follows is "our feature presentation," which appears to be a grossly modern action epic starring big name actors (one of them is a pop singer for Christ's sake) and clearly shot with high quality HD cameras only assisted by strong special effects work. No film grain, no popping sound, no fuzziness to the picture quality. Just the unsurprising clearness of audio and visuals we've grown accustomed to in 2013.

I give a huge amount of credit to the Grindhouse film that was released in 2007, as it clearly had intentions to replicate and portray what one would likely see in a seamy theater downtown, showing the latest low-budget action flick for $2 in a theater with colorful individuals, cigarette smoke, and a sticky floor. However, Machete Kills provides for the same kind of soulless action movie experience we've seen time and time again. And with names like Lady Gaga, Jessica Alba, and even Danny Trejo, who finds his name plastered on more and more direct-to-DVD messes each year, it's hard to feel like we're back in time.

There is something I can't deny and that's the inanity of everything and everyone involved. Machete Kills is the rare film that can simply have fun with itself and that's something I truly respect and did respect in the original film. Trejo's tough-guy screen presence successfully carries over to the sequel, and the onslaught of actors such as the aforementioned females and other minor touches such as Mel Gibson and Cuba Gooding, Jr. provide for some much-needed smiles. It's also pleasant to note how the film evades cynicism and disregards action movie conventions in favor of a truly unpredictable series of events. Consider an early sex scene between Miss San Antonio and Danny Trejo. During the foreplay, an on screen title card urges us (by flashing and repeatedly binging) to "put on our 3D glasses," which we don't have. After about ten seconds, the film's image becomes blurry and incomprehensible thanks to the known reddish-bluish hue the retro 3D put on older films. This kind of humor is what keeps Machete Kills alive and well.

If there is a Machete Kills Again...In Space (which I'm beginning to doubt due to the dismal performance of this film at the box office), I'll certainly be in line to see it. However, in order to work efficiently, it will need to take a true step backwards and mimic the style of the much-loved (and trashed) space films of the 1940's and 1950's. It will need to replicate the cheesiness and the stupidity of it all, embrace its origin, add film grain, rely on its wits and respect to the time period, and cease with the glossy appearance we've come to accept in modern times. The Machete franchise is at that frightening point in its time where its next film can either make it or let everything it has built up until this point collapse; the sad thing is this is only its second chapter.

Starring: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofía Vergara, Amber Heard, Demián Bichir, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Walton Goggins, William Sadler, Alexa Vega, and Mel Gibson. Directed by: Robert Rodriguez.