- Jenny Kolinsky, Hannah B. Williams, Curtis Weaver, Charlotte, Todd Smith: [singing] Love is Heaven, Love is Hell. Will these feelings last? Only time will tell.
- [first lines]
- Jenny Kolinsky: Ok, we need some new ideas gang, and fast.
- Todd Smith: I've got an awesome idea: You. Me. Brainstorming ideas. This weekend.
- Jenny Kolinsky: Ok yeah. Except, instead of you and me, let's make it the four of us. And instead of this weekend, let's make it right now.
- Todd Smith: That's a weird date?
- Jenny Kolinsky: It's not a date. That's the point.
- Hannah B. Williams: [singing] Let's put an end to this sordid mess, let's have ourselves a "Curtis Test".
- Jenny Kolinsky: Curtis question number one: His favorite heavy metal song?
- [Hannah and Charlotte are silent]
- Jenny Kolinsky: Witches and Bitches is the answer, name of the band is Satan has Cancer.
- Todd Smith: What is Curtis's middle name? Richard, Roger, John, or James?
- Charlotte: James!
- Hannah B. Williams: John?
- Todd Smith: Oh, too bad, what a shame. Curtis doesn't have a middle name.
- Curtis Weaver: My parent's couldn't be bothered, but I am fond of the name Roger.
- Jenny Kolinsky: Final question, number three: Curtis is failing Science, Math, or History?
- Charlotte: Math!
- Hannah B. Williams: Science?
- Jenny Kolinsky: Answer is: he's failing all three!
- Curtis Weaver: [singing] Guess it's community college for me. Yeah!
- Todd Smith: [singing] How are we ever gonna find out, who's the Phantom and who's not?
- Charlotte: [Screams]
- Charlotte: [singing] I admit it! I'm the real phantom!
- Charlotte: [spoken] I can't take any more singing! I fucking hate musicals!