How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Best Man (2011)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : What do you think of this tie?

  Ted Mosby : Ohh, thank God. Barney needs you right before his wedding, you assume there's at least one dead hooker in the closet.

  [laughs and discretely checks the closet] 

  Barney Stinson : [Holds up another tie]  Is this one better?

  Ted Mosby : Look, the tie is great, and it's perfectly normal to have some pre-wedding jitters.

  Barney Stinson : I'm not having jitters. It just occurs to me that once I put this tie on I can never take it off. I have to wear this tie forever, and ever. And sure, this tie is skinny now, but what happens if it gets fat and starts bossing me around? Did I make a mistake, would I have been happier with the other tie?

  [pause] 

  Barney Stinson : Ted, can I tell you a big secret?

  Ted Mosby : Of course.

  Barney Stinson : I'm not really talking about the tie.

  Ted Mosby : Yeah, I got that, buddy.

• Barney Stinson : [Having failed a play on a girl, Barney tries some 'customer feedback']  Wait, before you go, please answer the following survey so I could better bang you in the future. What didn't work for you about this play? Did you A. not believe that I was a Guinness Book World Record holder, or B. did the fingernails gross you out?

  [shows long fingernails] 

• Narrator : We all headed to my hometown where we planned to celebrate Punchy's big day. Uncle Barney had different plans.

  Barney Stinson : Get ready Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard and then disappear was LeBron James.

  Robin Scherbatsky : You're trying to get laid *here*? Oh Barney, tonight's a magical night between Ted's annoying friend and What's-her-face. have some respect.

• Barney Stinson : Here's your toast, single file ladies! No fatties!

  Ted Mosby : That's ridiculous!

  Barney Stinson : Yeah you're right, it's Cleveland. Single file ladies!

• Barney Stinson : What if this whole this is a disaster? What if this is the worst wedding ever?

  Ted Mosby : Not possible. We've already been to the worst wedding ever.

  Barney Stinson : Punchy's wedding.

  Ted Mosby : [laughs]  Marshall really took a two-flusher to that one

  [him and Barney laugh] 

  Narrator : The story of how Uncle Marshall ruined my friend Punchy's wedding, starts in September, 2011...

• Ted Mosby : [Talking about Punchy's wedding]  No wedding will ever, ever be as bad as that one.

  Barney Stinson : I picked the right tie didn't I?

  Ted Mosby : You nailed it. And hey, just be glad it's not the ducky tie.

  Narrator : Oooh, the ducky tie. That's a good story kids, I'll get to that. Man, we are not even close to the end.