- Penny: Look, Honey. I was really drunk and made a huge mistake last night. We should have never slept together. It's what ruins friendships.
- Raj Koothrappali: You can't ruin a friendship with sex! That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What the hell is wrong with you?
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, uh, you were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [yells] I'm nice to everyone!
- [Penny is upset about being promiscuous when she gets drunk]
- Penny: I feel like two totally different people: Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
- Raj Koothrappali: As your friend, you might like to know that, um... we didn't have sex in the conventional sense.
- Penny: Oh, God. Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me?
- Raj Koothrappali: No, no. After we got undressed and jumped in bed, you... you asked if I had protection.
- Penny: Oh, you did, didn't you?
- Raj Koothrappali: Of course. I'm always packing. Anyway, um, I had trouble putting it on and you tried to help and... that was all she wrote.
- Penny: So, we didn't actually...
- Raj Koothrappali: I did. It was beautiful.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Got any advice?
- Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. Buck up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me! You're a world-renowned expert in parenting and child development and all you've got is "buck up"?
- Beverly Hofstadter: Sorry. Buck up, Sissy Pants.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [sarcastically] Thanks, Mother. I feel better.
- Beverly Hofstadter: If you need any more help, my books are available on Amazon.
- Sheldon Cooper: I've decided my rank will be Captain. If it's good enough for Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo, it's good enough for me.
- [Penny can't find a clean cup to pour some wine into. She then decides to use a measuring cup]
- Penny: Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door? I wish I could tell 13-year-old me it does get better!
- [last lines]
- Sandy: [in a TV commercial] Ready to ride?
- Penny: I don't think so, Mom. Not today.
- Sandy: Oh, sweetie, hemorrhoids acting up again?
- Penny: You don't know the half of it.
- Sandy: Oh, yes, I do. Try a dab of this.
- Penny: [reading the tube] 'Rose scented preparation H for women'?
- Sandy: Now the 'H' is for 'her'!
- Leonard Hofstadter: [watching the commercial] I'm proud of you.
- Penny: Shh! Here comes my joke.
- Sandy: [in the commercial, both are now riding] How are you doing?
- Penny: Sittin' pretty.
- Penny: You know, I've done this before. In kindergarten, I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen but by the time my class got out there, he was engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb. What did I do? Hung upside down from the monkey bars. Let all the boys see my underpants.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You can't blame yourself. When your pre-frontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with dopamine. We neurobiologists refer to this as the "skank reflex".
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Know the story of Catherine the Great? She ruled Russia in the late 1700s and one night, when she was feeling randy, she used an intricate system of pulleys to have intimate relations with a horse.
- Penny: I'm sorry, what does this have to do with me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: She engaged in inter-species hanky-panky. And people still call her "great".
- Penny: You know what? Let's get out of here.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Where are we going?
- Penny: Somewhere where no one's seen me naked. We may have to drive a while.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What are you grinding about?
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny's brain teaser this morning. She and Koothrappali emerge from your bedroom. She is disheveled and Raj is dressed only in a sheet. The sole clue: "It's not what it looks like".
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just let it go, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: If I could, I would. But I can't, so I shan't.