Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Frodo's Headshots (2011)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Walden Schmidt : I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

  Alan Harper : Oh, really? Really? How would you have liked me to hear it? Twitter? Facebook? A singing telegram?

  [sings] 

  Alan Harper : Ta-ra-ra boom dee yay! I banged your girl today! 'Cause I'm a billionaire, I still have all my hair!

• Alan Harper : [after Berta laughing out loud]  What's funny?

  Berta : From where you're standing? Nothing.

• Jake Harper : I'm gonna take Walden's car over to Megan's and see if it helps me to slide into 'home'.

  Alan Harper : Wear protection!

  Jake Harper : I'm wearing it now!

• Alan Harper : [screaming]  Hey, hey! I'm still here! I mean, how... how could you do this? How could you have an affair while I'm locked in the booby hatch!

  Berta : I thought it was a stress clinic?

  Alan Harper : [screaming even louder]  Everybody knows what it was! I lost my freaking mind! But, luckily, now I'm better! So I have the tools to cope with whatever life throws at me!

• Jake Harper : [Jake is driving Alan home from what Alan refers to as the 'stress clinic', and everyone else calls 'the nuthouse']  Hey, is it too soon to talk to you about something important?

  Alan Harper : You can talk to me about anything. I have the tools to cope.

  Jake Harper : Cool. Remember Megan?... Well, we've been going out for awhile now and all of a sudden she's saying she wants to see other people. But, I wanna keep it, you know, monotonous.