- Walden hires Evelyn as his interior decorator, but Alan is convinced that she just wants to take advantage of him sexually. Meanwhile, Alan inherits Charlie's journal, and Jake has a crush on his tutor, but she has a crush on Walden.
- Having given up on his marriage, Walden decides to redecorate and hires greedy Evelyn, who, like Alan warned, ends up in bed with the hunk. Alan gets obsessed with Charlie's journal, revealing but also feeding his somewhat correct suspicion there must be a hidden fortune. Jake concentrates on foxy 'tutor' Megan, who alas only has eyes for Walden.—KGF Vissers
- "Two and a Half Men" - "Those Fancy Japanese Toilets" - Oct. 31, 2011
Evelyn is impressed with Alan's ability to stay in Walden's house, she calls him the human barnacle. She then informs him Charlie had a secret safe deposit box. To their dismay there's no money in it, just a journal which Evelyn gives to Alan. She hopes reading it will bring him some comfort and closure. Alan can't believe there wasn't money in it and doesn't believe Evelyn when she says there isn't. She tells him what's done is done and to start looking forward. As she points, he wonders if she's wearing a new watch, a man's Cartier. She keeps brushing it off and says they're all that's left of the family now and they need to take care of each other. She says Alan was always the good son and now he's her only son. As they are about to hug, she sees Walden and ditches him. He notes it's a miracle that he's not a transsexual on "Dancing With The Stars."
Walden's just come up from surfing. She likes that he's not surfing for porn. He rhapsodizes about the ocean. And how you can pee in it. He asks if she knows a good interior designer. She does, herself. She's also a real estate agent, a building inspector, mortgage broker, notary public, a bail bondswoman etc. The bailbonds business is down since Charlie died. He says he wants his home to reflect who he is. She asks who he is. He says he's someone with a buttload of money, who is not a neat freak but doesn't like clutter, pretty simple, likes people and he wants it to use green, renewable energy. Unless Brookstone comes out with a home nuclear reactor, because who wouldn't want one of those. All she heard was buttload of money.
In the kitchen Alan is obsessed with Charlie's journal. Berta hopes he isn't considering publishing because she's shopping her own Charlie memoir: "Manwhore." Alan reads a passage in which Charlie says he just sent home a girl who said she loved him and he didn't even know her name. He wondered why he drank and used women so much. Alan feels bad he didn't recognize his pain. Until he reads another passage in which Charlie absolves himself of his pain when he remembers her name.
Jake is trying to hit on his study partner Megan and she thinks his jokes are lame. When Walden comes out and uses a similar one she laughs giddily. She's clearly smitten with him. Jake says if Walden hooks up with her he goes to jail. Megan assures Jake she'd wait for Walden.
Alan continues to read Charlie's journal. Jake plops down and says they have to get rid of Walden. Alan points out it's Walden's houise. Jake says Walden is stealing his girlfriend. Alan says he thinks Evelyn likes him better than him too. Jake wonders if this is what he has to look forward to in life, losing girls to smarter, better looking men. Alan says he will be carrying on a proud family tradition. The doorbell rings and Alan answers. It's Evelyn with her interior decorating stuff. Alan says he hopes that's all she's doing, decorating. She says all she wants to pull out of Walden's pants is his wallet.
Walden calls her up to the bathroom and explains what he wants, including a fancy Japanese toilet to wash his tushie. She says that with his money, he could hire someone to wash his tushie. In the bedroom he basically wants to replace everything with something "cooler." She asks if he'd like to keep the camera that is pointing at the bed. He reacts to the camera the way a little kid would. "Hello!" He also wants to have a jacuzzi on the balcony since he will soon be having sex with women he doesn't know. Evelyn asks what kind of woman he's attracted to. He says his wife, women who look like his wife, and Ellen DeGeneres. He gets a great idea on what he could do with the camera.
Alan continues to read the journal which continues to reveal Charlie as a shallow, misogynist, substance-abusing jackass. He also thought Jake was cute when he first moved in and seemed really bright with a lot of promise. Alan notes that they were all so young and naive then.
Jake continues to hit on Megan. Megan continues to flirt with Walden to Jakes' chagrin. When he leaves she kisses Jake. He goes with it. She takes him by the hand to his room.
Walden sweet talks to his fancy electric car as Alan pulls in, in his piece of crap. The POC knocks and shakes after the engine is shut off. Walden thinks it might need service. Alan says that's where he just came from. Alan warns Walden against his cougar mother, she's a super duper uber cougar. Walden says he won't hook up with Evelyn. Alan says if he had a dime for every time he's heard that, he'd have $3.60. Walden thinks it's strange that Alan kept count. Alan says if he does, not to hurt her because she may be a rapacious sexual predator but she breaks like a little girl.
Evelyn and Walden return to her house and she invites him in. He tries to beg off and says Alan told her she was a cougar. Evelyn says that's silly, Alan has issues, and she has no sexual designs on him and she's old enough to be her mother if she were pregnant as a teenager. He says okay and he comes in. Cut to the two of them post-coital. Walden looks slightly frightened. He asks if she's going to tell Alan. She breathlessly says she's going to tell everyone.
We see Alan again reading Charlie's journal in the kitchen. He's gotten to the part where Alan moved in with his girlfriend but figured he'd be back before long and said that he did actually kind of miss him. Alan is touched that Charlie loved him. Then he turns the page and learns that Charlie bought a $100k Cartier watch that he put in his safe deposit box. Alan knew it, the watch Evelyn was wearing! Jake sees off Megan with a lot of gratitude and a handshake. Walden enters and tries to play it cool and as he leaves Alan says to himself, "oh yeah she did him." As Walden heads upstairs Jake greets him with a hug and says he loves him. Walden thinks to himself, "what an affectionate family."
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