The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Roommate Transmogrification (2011)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Penny : What happened to Leonard?

  Sheldon Cooper : Same thing that happened to Homo erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.

  Raj Koothrappali : I'm the new Homo in town!

  [pause] 

  Raj Koothrappali : That came out wrong.

• Sheldon Cooper : Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? A hint: sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks.

  Penny : Monkeys!

  Sheldon Cooper : When does a monkey have a trunk?

  Penny : When a suitcase just won't do.

  [Penny and Raj laugh] 

  Sheldon Cooper : All right. It would appear as if alcohol is playing keep-away with your intelligence.

• Sheldon Cooper : I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her Ph.D.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It's indeed admirable. Although it is microbiology.

  Sheldon Cooper : Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I'll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony." Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Light.

• Sheldon Cooper : The apartment has three emergency exits located here, here, and here. In the event of a power outage, luminescent paint will guide you to the nearest exit.

  Raj Koothrappali : You're kidding.

  [Sheldon turns off the lights, revealing glowing arrows on the floor] 

  Sheldon Cooper : I never kid about safety.

• Sheldon Cooper : What are you doing here?

  Leonard Hofstadter : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : I said, what are you doing here?

  Leonard Hofstadter : I live here.

  Sheldon Cooper : I have paperwork that says differently.

• Howard Wolowitz : You gotta like this. The girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Kill me.

  Sheldon Cooper : It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.

• [first lines] 

  Penny : Hi, you guys ready to order?

  Sheldon Cooper : [the gang mutters consent]  Sure.

  Penny : 'Kay. Priya?

  Priya Koothrappali : I'll have the Shepherd's pie.

  [to Leonard] 

  Priya Koothrappali : You want to split that with me?

  Penny : Oh, no, no, no, he doesn't.

  Priya Koothrappali : Why not?

  Penny : Well, you know, milk in the taters, milk in the gravy, parmesan crust... your lactose-intolerant boyfriend will turn into a gas-filled Macy's day balloon.

  Sheldon Cooper : Not quite accurate. Macy's balloons are filled with helium, whereas Leonard produces copious amounts of methane.

• [last lines] 

  Penny : [after Penny drunkenly sleeps with Raj, she tries to sneak out, but is finds Sheldon, Leonard, and Howard in the living room]  Damn.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What is going on?

  Penny : [laughing nervously]  Oh, it's, it's not what it looks like.

  [embarrassed, Penny quickly leaves] 

  Sheldon Cooper : What does it look like?

• Sheldon Cooper : Oh, my hands are magic!

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Don't flatter yourself. Your hands are blunt tools guided by my knowledge of the nrevous system. I could just as easily have paralyzed you.

• Raj Koothrappali : Leonard's having astronomically inaccurate Star Trek sex with my sister.

  Sheldon Cooper : I can see how that would be upsetting. Come in.

• Penny : Hey Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, it's "pennygetyourownwifi", no spaces.