Comedy Central Roasts (TV Series)

Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump (2011)

Anthony Jeselnik: Self - Roaster

Quotes 

• Anthony Jeselnik : Look at this Dais. You've got a pimp, a murderer, a drug dealer, a pornographer... and then eight white people.

• Anthony Jeselnik : Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

• Anthony Jeselnik : Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

• Anthony Jeselnik : Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.

• Anthony Jeselnik : Marlee Matlin. Are you even listening to me?

• Anthony Jeselnik : [to The Situation]  Mike Sorrentino... great job, by the way. Mike, you're doing really well right now. You've got a cologne, a workout video, a vodka. You've got your name on everything... except a High School Diploma. And Sitch, I don't wanna tell you how to live your life, man, but if you've spent half of your time reading books as much as you do chasing skanks, you probably wouldn't have AIDS.

• Anthony Jeselnik : Larry King's been married eight times. Eight times! Jesus, man. You've got 99 problems and bitches are all of them!