- Dani Santino: No matter who you are, no matter how much protective gear you wear, at some point, you're gonna get the living crap kicked out of you.
- Coach Pat Purnell: [to Dani] Tell me why I should hire you.
- Dani Santino: You want my credentials?
- Coach Pat Purnell: Oh, I got all that. Masters and doctorate in psychology, Hofstra University, blabbity bla.
- Dani Santino: You Googled me?
- Coach Pat Purnell: Hell, yeah. I'm not gonna turn my multi-million dollar investment over to just anyone without some due dilligence. And nothing against Hofstra, but what are you gonna do when Harvard couldn't do diddly-squat?
- Dani Santino: Here's what your Google search didn't tell you: I'm a licensed therapist, hypnotherapist and substance abuse counselor. I was accepted both by NYU and Columbia into their doctorate program, but declined because I had two small children to carpool and a husband who expected dinner on the table every night. My specialities include chicken parmesan, cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis and kicking my patients' butts. Beyond that, if you would like a money-back guarantee, then you should go buy a washing machine.
- Dani Santino: [to Lindsay] I am not playing with you. You ruin my days and I will ruin your nights.
- Lindsay Santino: Loud and clear, Mom. I get it.
- Dani Santino: No, I don't think you do. You miss another class this semester and you will be grounded forever.
- Lindsay Santino: What if I have a 105-degree fever?
- Dani Santino: Then I will pack you in ice and drive you there myself.
- Terrence King: [to Dani] You're supposed to be helping me and I got to tell you, Doc, you're doing a pretty crappy job at it.
- Dani Santino: Unless you trust me, I can't help you.
- Terrence King: Trust you? Now, why the hell would I trust you?
- Dani Santino: Who do you trust? Your parents?
- Terrence King: My mother OD'd when I was 8 years old and my father put me into foster care. I was a throwaway. You got no idea what that's like.
- Dani Santino: Losing your mom at such a young age. Tell me what that was like.
- Terrence King: You know what? What the hell does this have to do with anything, huh? Bringing up that ghost? How does that help me?
- Dani Santino: You have so much anger and so much pain, Terrance. I'm just trying to get a fix on where it's coming from.
- Terrence King: I'm trying to tell you where it's coming from. It comes from people always wanting a piece of you, hating on you for no reason. Every time I fail, on or off the field, it's front-page news, and constantly being reminded that you're on a short leash! That makes me angry! You know, and coming here and talking to some bony-ass Dr. Phil wannabe in her little perfect house with her perfect family, and I got to talk about my dead mother? That pisses me off too!
- Dani Santino: Terrence, if you care at all about your career, do not walk out the door!
- Terrence King: I will trash my career if i I want to! I will trash your whole damn office if I want to!
- Dani Santino: That's fine. You know what? Can you just tear down this wall, too? Because I've been thinking about expanding for a while.
- Terrence King: You know what, bitch? Maybe you ain't read the papers lately, but they're talking about T.K.'s crazy, T.K. can't control himself. Now what makes you think that I won't go T.K. on you, take your cell phone and turn it off on your head?
- Dani Santino: The way I see it, you've got millions and I've got zip. You hit my bony ass, and I've got millions and you've got zip. I don't scare easily, Terrence, and I do not give up.
- Coach Pat Purnell: [to Dani] Are you always this pigheaded?
- Dani Santino: Only when it comes to protecting my clients and my children.
- [her cell phone rings]
- Dani Santino: Now I got to take this 'cause it's my daughter's guidance counselor!
- Dani Santino: [to Ray] I don't want your money. I don't need your money, but if you try to take my kids and I will kill you.
- Dani Santino: Terrence King, I dragged my so-called bony ass out of bed and left my kids home with a tattooed man named Xeno who is probably scaring the crap out of them right about now!
- Ray Santino Jr.: [to Dani] Now, Ma, think twice before doing anything crazy. Judges frown on parents killing their kids.
- Dani Santino: [to Ray Jay] What are you, the town crier? You blabbing my business to everybody?
- Ray Santino Jr.: Well, teenagers feel a loss of support as a result of divorce and turn outwards to fill that gap.
- Dani Santino: Please stop reading my psychology books, okay, because you definitely don't understand them!
- Angela: [to Dani] I knew Terrence King would be too much for you. Look at you, throwing your daughter around by the bra straps now.
- Dani Santino: You're lecturing me about raising kids? You used to whack me with a wooden spoon, Ma. The same wooden spoon that you were using to stir the marinara sauce with.
- Angela: Danielle, all I'm saying is your daughter has one foot in juvie, your son has 10 girlfriends and so does your husband. Before you start fixing everyone else's car, maybe you should fix the one broken down in your own backyard.
- Dani Santino: My name is Dr. Dani Santino. And I am not a hooker, im a therapist.
- Terrence King: Say what?