- Ryan Howard: I got away with everything under the last boss and it wasn't good for me. So I want guidance. I want leadership. Lead me... when I'm in the mood to be led.
- Dwight Schrute: I will run this branch or I will destroy this branch. Or... I don't know. Something always works out.
- Robert California: There is only sex. Everything is sex. Do you understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth?
- [Dwight interviews for Regional Manager position with his face covered in bandages and shades, handing Jim, Toby, and Gabe his résumé]
- Jim Halpert: Hello, Mr. Souvenier. Mr. Jacques Souvenier? Nice to meet you. It says here you're French?
- [Dwight nods, and Jo looks at the bandaged Dwight suspiciously, believing that it is really Dwight]
- Jim Halpert: So you worked at your last job for 15 years as assistant to the regional manager.
- Dwight Schrute: [Muttering to disguise his voice] Assistant regional manager.
- Jim Halpert: Assistant *to the* regional manager.
- Dwight Schrute: Assistant regional manager.
- Jim Halpert: What is it?
- Dwight Schrute: [in French accent] Assistant regional manager.
- Jim Halpert: Oh, that's my mistake. Sorry about that. The last paper company you worked for burned to the ground? And all because they wouldn't hire a manager who lived and breathed paper. That's a travesty.
- Creed Bratton: [running a meeting in the conference room] Okay, team building! On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, Elroy,
- [camera switches to show only Meredith and Kevin have attended the meeting, Jim walks by and sees this]
- Creed Bratton: and this side of the room, Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed...
- Jim Halpert: He never called a meeting.
- [Extended Version of the episode. David Brent interviews for Jim, Gabe, and Toby via webcam as he monologues]
- David Brent: Name: David Brent. Occupation: Inspirer. Status: None of your business. Young, free, and single, though. Thanks for asking. Hear you're looking for a new boss, yeah? Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, under-encouraged drones what to do every day. Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be. Want me to fire them? They don't see things your way? Then I ain't that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. What? You've changed your mind? You're now looking for a leader of men? Ipso facto. Women, too. When do I start? Huh?
- Pam Beesly: Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture.
- [Pam shows Creed two photos of a building]
- Pam Beesly: Intel has told us there were at least seven.
- Creed Bratton: Okay, I already see one, gimme. Okay.
- Pam Beesly: [to the camera in the conference room] They're the same picture.
- Creed Bratton: Do I love being manager? I love my kids, I love real estate, I love ceramics, I love my job, I love wrestling.
- Oscar Martinez: [Erin goes under her desk and pulls out a sock puppet she then holds over her desk] Erin, what are you doing?
- Erin Hannon: I've been turned into a puppet!
- Oscar Martinez: Okay.
- [walks away]
- Kevin Malone: [laughs excitedly and runs over to the puppet] Look at the puppet! Hi puppet! Who are you?
- Erin Hannon: I went to go drop off the FedEx forms and an evil witch named... Angela turned me into a puppet!
- [Angela frowns in annoyance at her]
- Kevin Malone: [laughs] Low blow puppet!
- Erin Hannon: And there's only one thing that can turn me back into a real girl
- Kevin Malone: [to the audience] It's good. It's just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me... but, if any kids are watching... A, B, and so forth. You know... M-N-L-O, P... F...
- Jim Halpert: Your paper experience is very interesting. Do you think you could use that experience to inform decisions here?
- Fred Henry: Absolutely, I... Yes. In fact, I actually have a three-step plan that I believe could effectively double your profits.
- Jim Halpert: Really?
- Fred Henry: Yeah.
- Jim Halpert: What is it?
- Fred Henry: Nice try.
- Toby Flenderson: I'm sorry. W-What is your three-step plan?
- Fred Henry: Well, I mean, I can't just hand you my plan. I mean, if you guys give me the job, then, then you'll get the plan.
- Gabe Lewis: Well... It's an interview, and we don't know that you really have the plan.
- Fred Henry: I'm not gonna just make up that I have a plan. I got a plan. Believe me, you guys want it. You're in paper, right?
- Gabe Lewis: How do we know that if you don't...
- Jim Halpert: You could just be saying it to get the job.
- Fred Henry: I guess I could very if I was... Who would do that?
- Jim Halpert: How about this. Why don't you give us a part of the plan, and that way we know you have it.
- Fred Henry: Tell you what. I'll give you part three of part two. Not gonna give you a whole part.
- Jim Halpert: Okay.
- Fred Henry: Color-code said document. TM.
- Jim Halpert: Did you just trademark that?
- Toby Flenderson: What?
- Fred Henry: That's a verbal trademark. That's an agreement.
- Kelly Kapoor: I manage my department and I've been doing that for several years now. And, God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
- Jim Halpert: Your department is just you, right?
- Kelly Kapoor: Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.
- Jim Halpert: Your not getting an interview, Dwight. The whole point of the search committee process is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again.
- Interviewee: Can you do any better on salary?
- Jim Halpert: Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate.
- Interviewee: What about mileage when I use my car? I mean, gas ain't cheap, you know.
- Toby Flenderson: Why would you need relocation if you already live in Scranton?
- Merv Bronte: Well, I'd want to move further away. Just don't want any chance of running into my co-workers outside the office.
- Jim Halpert: Can I ask why you're leaving you current job?
- Merv Bronte: I'm leaving my other job because they were all jerks.
- Creed Bratton: Get me our biggest client on the phone right this instant.
- Jordan Garfield: Who is our biggest client?
- Pam Beesly: Uh, just put him through to me.
- Jordan Garfield: Okay.
- Pam Beesly: Hello, this is the client.
- Creed Bratton: It's Creed. FYI, I'm starting my own paper company. Looking to poach some chumps. You in?
- Pam Beesly: Yes.
- Creed Bratton: Cool.
- Jim Halpert: Name.
- Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute.
- Jim Halpert: Thank you, Mr. Schnute. We will let you know.
- Dwight Schrute: I'd like to be interviewed for the position.
- Jo Bennett: I'll interview you right now.
- Dwight Schrute: Okay.
- Jo Bennett: Question 1: Ever shot a gun in the office?
- Kelly Kapoor: You are not leaving without giving me a hug.
- [hugs Gabe]
- Kelly Kapoor: Ugh.
- Gabe Lewis: Okay, you know what? You don't need to make that sound.
- Kelly Kapoor: I'm sorry. You just were a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be.