Archer (TV Series)

Swiss Miss (2011)

Jessica Walter: Malory Archer

Quotes 

• Malory Archer : You're damn lucky Anka convinced her father not to press charges.

  Sterling Archer : Yeah, I feel lucky. Let's see, sexually assaulted by a teenaged sociopath, interrogated by gendarmes, oh, three stitches in my penis, so, yep, it's all breaking my way.

• Malory Archer : [a picture of Anka Schlotz is displayed on a video screen behind Malory. In the picture, Anka is stepping out of a limousine with no underwear and a shaved, but blurred, crotch]  Sterling Malory Archer! You will not touch a single hair on that girl.

  Sterling Archer : Uhh, see... how I just let that go by. Look at me. I am the perfect gentleman.

• Malory Archer : Schwein doesn't even touch it.

  Sterling Archer : Yeah, well neither did I, mother. I saved her life! Go ask that dick I set on fire!

• Malory Archer : Herr Schlotz fears they may attempt a kidnapping during the birthday party he's throwing this weekend in Gstaad.

  Ray Gillette : Ach. Gstaad.

  Lana Kane : Gstaad? Oh, yeah! Count me in.

  Sterling Archer : Yeah, and me out. I'm not getting frostbite protecting some old German guy.

  Malory Archer : Herr Schlotz isn't the intended victim. It's his daughter, Anka.

  [a picture of Anka flashes on a video screen behind Malory. In the picture, Anka is stepping out of a limousine with no underwear and a shaved, but blurred, crotch] 

  Sterling Archer : Who obviously needs someone on her constantly, so I will be that someone who is constantly on her.

• Pam : [Listening to gunfire in the distance]  What the hell is all of that, you reckon?

  Malory Archer : Immigrants. Cramming their low riders full of free healthcare and... snow.