- Erin Hannon: Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special, and she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7 and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts.
- Ryan Howard: We are getting divorced, Andy! This is such a raw time.
- Kelly Kapoor: God, baby - you know, with people's reactions to this, I wonder if we made a mistake.
- Ryan Howard: No! With the messed-up laws in this country, I don't want to be married until everyone can be married.
- Oscar Martinez: Know what, Ryan? I talked to the other gay guys, and we're OK with it. We all agreed it's fine for you to get married.
- Michael Scott: What do you do with the hot dogs that you don't sell?
- Joe The Hot Dog Vendor: Throw 'em away.
- Michael Scott: Well, okay, instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now into my mouth?
- Joe The Hot Dog Vendor: No.
- Holly Flax: Okay, look, let's just go somewhere high and see if we could spot him on the street below.
- Dwight Schrute: That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. No.
- Dwight Schrute: Tap into your common mind and tell us what he would do next.
- Holly Flax: Look, I'm not playing. I'm gonna go look for him
- Erin Hannon: Good. We don't need her.
- Dwight Schrute: Right. I can do this on my own. I can think like Michael. All right... I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo's coming right at me. No. Damn it, that's just my own imagination.
- Cellphone's POS Attendant: Fanny Smellmore? real original.
- Holly Flax: What?
- Cellphone's POS Attendant: You know what? Say hi to Orville Tootenbacher for me.
- Dwight Schrute: Tootenbacher?
- Erin Hannon: Orville Tootenbacher, that's Michael's millionaire character that farts...
- Dwight Schrute: Farts popcorn.
- Darryl Philbin: I've been reading the comics to my daughter since she was 3 years old. Not once have I used the real captions to Family Circus. That crazy family is hilarious to her for one reason... me.