- Lyndsey Mackelroy: Before we go any further, I'd like to take something off the table.
- Charlie Harper: What?
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: My ass.
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: I am way past guys like you.
- Charlie Harper: What do you mean, 'guys like me'?
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: Guys I'd have to dip in ammonia before I'd let them anywhere near me.
- Charlie Harper: Oh, those guys.
- Alan Harper: Since when do you care about her kid's education?
- Charlie Harper: Young people are our future, Alan. I care about them all.
- Alan Harper: Oh, please! The only young people you care about are sliding down a pole to grab dollar bills out of your mouth!
- Charlie Harper: Those aren't dollar bills! Those are twenties!
- Charlie Harper: Alan, listen to me very carefully. I have not had sex with your girlfriend.
- Alan Harper: Still in the planning stages!
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: [Giving Alan a house key] I want you to feel like you can come and go without checking in with me.
- Alan Harper: Wow! Thank you! In a lot of ways, this isn't just the key to your house, it's the key to your heart.
- Lyndsey Mackelroy: Don't gay it up.