- Barney Stinson: I love the office Halloween party, it is so much sluttier than the office Christmas Party though not as freaky as the office Presidents Day rave.
- Marshall Eriksen: This just isn't working out.
- Randy Wharmpess: [Thinking] I'm fired, great. This is the candle kiosk at the mall all over again. Wait a minute... I get a severance check! If I don't shred it, I can use that money to start my own brewery! Imagine a beer with my name on it! Randy Wharmpess, this is the best day of your life!
- Randy Wharmpess: Okay, you win. Maybe trashing your office was a mistake. It's just, as along as I can remember, making beer has been my dream.
- [Pulls out a beer]
- Randy Wharmpess: Wharmpess?
- [Marshall takes it]
- Randy Wharmpess: I know it sounds dumb to someone who's already achieved his dream. Big time lawyer at a huge corporation.
- Marshall Eriksen: You think working here is my dream?
- Randy Wharmpess: Of course. Anyway, I'll clean this stuff up, have someone get that dead squirrel out of your desk.
- Marshall Eriksen: Randy... This is delicious. You're fired
- GNB's ad voiceover: [Goliath National Bank's ad] What makes Goliath National Bank different from other big banks? Here at GNB, We Care.
- Barney Stinson: [holding a recycling bin] I care about our precious Earth.
- [puts in spent soft drink can]
- Randy Wharmpess: [opening the door for an old woman] I care about old people.
- Arthur Hobbs: I care about high-yield, offshore investments, and so does Tugboat here. Isn't that right, Tugboat?
- [plays with dog]
- Marshall Eriksen: [at his office, eating salad] Okay, get that camera out of my face before I flip you like a cheese omelet!
- Robin Scherbatsky: God, your nose is bleeding like a faucet.
- Randy Wharmpess: Yeah, I'm sorry this happens every time I get an erection.