The Inbetweeners (TV Series)

Trip to Warwick (2010)

James Buckley: Jay Cartwright

Quotes 

• Jay : Oi, Neil, did you hear about Chris from the paper shop?

  Neil : No, what?

  Jay : He was messing about up the rec. Got his head wedged in the bottle bank. Got stuck there all night. By the time someone found him in the mornin', he'd been arse-raped 18 times.

  Neil : Ohhhh mate... that's grim...

  Will : I have a few questions...

  Jay : Like what?

  Will : Well, one: why was he sticking his head in the bottle bank?

  Jay : Looking for bottles, you mug.

  Will : Okay... Number two: what you're saying is the first eighteen people to have discovered him in this state just happened to be opportunistic homosexual rapists?

  Jay : Looks like it... Here, where was your dad last night, Neil?

  Neil : Badminton. Why?

  Jay : [Sarcastically]  Course he was.

  Will : And number three: why would he would tell what, at best, was a humiliating evening, tell you, of all people, about it?

  Jay : I used to sit next to him in Woodwork!

• Jay : Oh, No, Neil, You haven't...

  Tara : What?

  Will : Unbelievable.

  Tara : Oh, My God that stinks!

  Simon : Neil! Have you farted again?

  Neil : [laughing]  Not sure mate, could be fart, could be worse!

  Simon : For fuck's sake, open a window!

  Will : You need to see a bowel specialist!

  Jay : Or he could ask his dad. He likes inspecting men's anuses!

  Tara : I feel really ill Simon, can you please pull over?

  Neil : Calm down, it was only a Sausage and Egg McMuffin.

  Tara : [shudders]  Oooh...

  Neil : Ooh, There's the Hash Brown!

  [farts again] 

  Will : Jesus Christ!